I hate my life

I am a thirty-seven years old woman and I hate my life. I have been married for two years and I feel like it was the worst thing I could have ever done.

We dated for five years before we got married and all the signs was there that I should had married him. He often made decision based on his own wishes and many of them were some of the stupidest things ever. He had mountains of debt and I had none. We are now in a debt and things are always being shut off at the house. His response to that is that he has been through hard times before and I shouldn't let these hard times get to me so much but I was not raised in a house where the lights or water has been shut off. I get mad because I think he wants me to get comfortable with sh*t getting shut off!

Once I had my son I felt that I owed it to him to try and make it work and things would get better.
Now, I feel like I played myself! My husband and I are not on the same page, our values, beliefs and dreams are not the same. He refuses to set any goals and gets mad when I talk about goals and plans.

He does things without thinking and it make me so sick. I have to admit I have a problem hiding my feelings and often show it through my facial expressions. He responds by saying I am looking at him like he is stupid. The sad part is that is what I am thinking. He feels like I belittle him and take his manhood away but I just want him to do better and do some critical thinking before acting.

I have gone back to school and am taking a Marriage and family class just to confirm that my thought process about life and marriage is correct. I find myself questioning myself and if I am being to hard or am I just a spoiled daddy's girl. All I can say is I am so depressed in this marriage but on the other hand I want to make my marriage work. I just don't know what to do!!!!

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Re: I hate my life...
by: Jenna

Take it from me, you have to do it on your own and leave him, things will not improve. The same thing happened with me and I was with my husband for 12 years from the age of 20-32 (I am also 37 now). Before we got married and had kids there were all sorts of red flags with him that I continued to ignore. Never ever ignore red flags, they only come back to bite you in the *ss. My husband was a financial mess--spent money like it was going out of style but we never had anything to show for it, a pathological liar, jumped from job to job, smoked pot, ect.

I look back on it and wonder WTF was I thinking!! He was never really my type physically, but he was super nice to me and I was in a bad relationship before him where the guy totally tore down my self esteem, so ignored the flags and tried to make the relationship work. It was a mistake and it cost me dearly.

I ended up getting him a great job, we had a house built out in the country, and I quit work and went back to school. He came up positive on a drug test and it was a downward spiral from there. He lost the job but still spent money and partied with his friends, we lost the house and our land, and we moved in with his parents. My life has still sucked since then trying to rebuild my world.

I am finishing my second degree, working full time, living with a relative, I get no child support cause he doesn't work, it sucks. My last bf of many years left me for someone more successful and I have been a mess about it.

Get out while you can girl, I am telling you, it will only get worse!

I hate my life
by: Anonymous

You have got yourself into a bind but so have many other people. It looks like that you have to move on as life under circumstances like that can be intolerable. Your husband is not likely to change either. He is not taking any responsibility for his actions and he is willing to blame other people not himself. Unfortunately it is so easy to get into a situation like that because you may feel that you can get another person to change but they have to want to change.
You are the one who has to make the changes and the only thing that when you can find a way out you may have to make a move. You have much to think about, you have to find somewhere else to live, you have to seek legal advice and to find work if you cannot get a benefit in the meantime. There is a need for care for your child if you have to work. You will have friends or family who are willing to help you once you have made a decision but only you can make that.
You also have to make sure that you will not be responsible for your husbands debts.

I hate my life
by: Kay

I am wondering who takes care of the finances in your marriage? If it is your husband could you either ask to take them over and then you could budget the money better so that you don't have the lights and water cut off. If he's not happy with this arrangement can you perhaps discuss putting a budget into place for the future.

I believe when you receive a bill you know can't be paid on time, if you contact the provider explain that you are short on funds but offer part payment they may well accept this, rather than hear nothing from you and the account go overdue. Contact the Company as soon as you get the bill not when it is past the payment date, this way it will show the Company that you really do want to stay on top of things and pay them.

It must be stressful for you when you aren't used to being in debt. Offer support to your husband, I imagine he is aware of your feelings and is so bogged down with what is happening he is not coping too well. If you can, support him in a way that helps him rather than look on him as though he does nothing right. He may do things that are right to him, but not in the way you would.

It's not easy being a in a relationship when one partner is 'not on the same page' but you cannot change each other, you are what you are, but I hope you can come to accept each other and work together in such a way that you can each help and respect one another and each of you find what bring you happiness, such as a hobby or interest to enable you both to enrich your lives.

Good luck,

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