Why do I self-destruct when ever I have anything good in my life

by colin

Since I was a child I have always ruined anything I have had good in my life. But I have noticed it more in the last couple of years.

I'm 32 now so I need help in solving this problem. When I do have some thing good like my girlfriend who I have been with for nearly 3 years who I was very happy with, I ruined it through lying, and then the worse thing, cheating on her.

I love her very much but for some reason if I have something good I can only think of negative thoughts from my past.

Comments for Why do I self-destruct when ever I have anything good in my life

Click here to add your own comments

The long road
by: Anonymous

I have engaged in the most negative behavior since I was 14 and now I am 41. Grew up in a split home where my parents never got along even after they divorced. My sister found a way to live a very positive life, but I got mixed up into a very hard drug lifestyle.

I have always struggled with sobriety. It does at times feel like it will never end. I am a good person that has two beautiful little girls and I just wish I could stop making terrible choices for myself so that I can be there for them. It seems like whenever anything positive happens I find a way to F... it up. I had a good job, but recently I went on a crazy bender and now I am not so sure where that stands!

Anyone who has been caught in the grips of depression and addiction knows what a vicious cycle it is!

by: Anonymous

Every time when an opportunity comes up in life I always end up ruining it. One time a while ago my best friend came over.and every thing was fine until I accidentally started saying a few things that I didn't mean to say and one minute later we got in to a fight and now we never even see each other. Now each time that something good happens in my life I almost always ruin it.

Why can't I stop myself
by: Anonymous

This is me I'm 20 years old and I have destroyed everything good in my life since I was as young as 4 and now I have no control over it it's like I do it automatically without knowing I'm doing it until i've screwed up big time in the past 4 years i've had over 15 jobs.

I got kicked out from my mums to live with my horrid dad and I piss him off purposly even though I know if he kicked me out I'd have no where to go. In school I got excluded and was bad and smoked even though I was really smart (like brain box smart it's like I wanted myself to fail) and could have done so much but never reached my potential I got kicked out of 2 apprenticeships since I was 16 i've had over 15 boyriends i've had depression and anxiety and panic attacks for as long as I can remember and all I want now is just control over myself to stop myself quitting and ruining everything.

I'd also like to know what's wrong with me in the first place cos I'm not a bad person in fact I try to help everyone and be as good as I can now.

Fear, loathing, pain, and more pain.
by: Kevin Kevinson

I greatly appreciate all of your posts. I cried reading them. You are all telling my story. At least I'm not alone.

This site encouraged me to write a blog about all of this. So I started today March 1st. I would have happily written it here but it is really too long and I want to record this process of going from a wretch who hates himself and is self-destructive to "hopefully" a better person...some day.

I don't know where to start but this has been so helpful in identifying what is going on.

If anyone can offer any help or ideas, please contact me through the blog. I think that it might be helpful for others who are in the same situations as me.

Here's the link.


Why do I self destruct every year.
by: Anonymous

I am 31 years old have 2 beautiful kids that do not live with me, but live with their grandparents and their mother because I could not keep a stable living environment for them. I work as a plumber and have lost 2 plumbing trucks in the past 2 years of which I payed cash for. Literally have lived in 10 different places in the past 10 years. I obtained my insurance license and was appointed with a very reputable insurance company and I have not sold a policy in 3 months since I was hired.
I need help. I want to be a solid man for my kids and their mother.

i don't deserve the good life that i have
by: Anonymous

I am 21 and I always destroy everything good in my life.. I fail my faith and my God with wrong thoughts and actions,although he has given me everything that i wanted in my life.

I hurt my family and sometimes i forget them and they are the most important thing in my life. Every time I had the opportunity with someone
that I love always finish in a complete disaster.
God bless me with the opportunity of taking a great master and all this situation are compromising my grades. I am a disaster, and the worse thing is that all the people who i'have made suffer are completely extraordinary and the best people.

The last opportunity with the person that I have been loving finished in a complete disaster after things were running well and I feel so sad that I lose interest of anything.I really hate myself, because I dont deserve the goods things that i have had in my life. I am the worst thing in the world

Loving a self-destructor
by: Sara

I asked my boyfriend for months to seek help, I told him he was like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. He had issues which I was very supportive of.
I found out that he had been having an affair for at least four months, and when I found out he said he was relieved and that maybe he was hoping I'd find out. I was willing to forgive and understand that because he had someone (ie: me) in his life, who loved him dearly and would support him through counselling, that he thought he didn't deserve me, so therefore he sub consciously destroyed it.
He is now going to get help, but has chosen to take that path on his own. My advice to anyone reading this is to read as much as you can about self destruction because it can be mistaken for "an excuse" for bad or selfish behaviour. The hardest part for self destructors is to seek professional help for fear of facing their demons.
I'm sure the man I loved so dearly is up against some very tough times, and I am devastated that I can't be by his side to love and support him, help him realise that he does deserve happiness and peace with himself.

No coping skills
by: Anonymous

I am 47 and have issues. I am not happy with myself and I am losing my family due to Alcohol. My whole life I spent on regrets and instead of rising to the occasion and being a better person, I find myself dwelling on past mistakes etc. Anybody out there have some advice?

I do love my family and know that I need help.

Just can't stand prosperity
by: Anonymous

My wife is gorgeous and she loves me more than I deserve. I have been blessed as step-dad to two unbelievably great kids for now more than half their lives. I love my job, and I make relatively good money. My lovely wife and I are sprucing up our house to sell so we can move into twice the house this one is ( and it aint bad,) and can put our kids in a better school. And yet I subconsciously jeopardize all of it by being an asshole to the ones I love the most... I indulge in just about everything BUT alcohol ... Excessively ... And my unwillingness to do anything but work simply tops it all off.... I feel as tho I could rule the world if I could just get out of my own flipping way

I'm trying to figure out why I self destruct myself
by: Anonymous

I started out with my own business and I was taking drugs.Things got out of hand during the financial collapse and I lost my business.I've been REALLY self destructing for the last year.

The economy has improved, but I think I really just haven't accepted the loss that I took.

12/21/10 Is the last day I'll ever do drugs. I really think I'm ready to move on now and get back up.


Fantastic! With this attitude you will not fail!


Self destruct
by: Anonymous

I know that feeling so well. I think part of the problem as well is not being honest with yourself.
Shame and guilt are part of the self destruct mechanism.

When you accept all of you there is a forgiveness and a release. Forgiveness for yourself.

Don't worry about anyone else. The rest will follow.

Ruin everything
by: Anonymous

I used to excel at most things, quite young - at academics in school, at sports - always winning, at art, etc. But a sibling, some cousins, people at school an others would say "I hate you", in a fun way they probably thought, or a sibling would seemingly try to kill me for my winning, so I started losing on purpose. I knew I was doing it, I started to be a slacker to get them to not reject or hurt me, or be mean and jealous.

It's a hard habit to break. Losing, failing to not offend someone else's delicate ego. Just another scenario. Don't let others make you feel bad for being you're own best person.

Being aware of it, and how unuseful it is, is a great start. And knowing the good things you do want.

by: Kay

Hi Colin,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

I believe your problem stems right back to your childhood to a comment you have forgotten about.

You may have been playing with a toy that was taken away from you with the comment to give it back as you don't deserve to have it. Can you remember being punished for being naughty by having something taken away in this way?

You may have won a race or something else at school and someone may have said they don't think you deserved to win.

Someone has said something to you that you have taken to heart, and though you cannot recall them, the hurtful words have seared into your heart and into your sub-conscious which has stored them away, and you believe they are true.

Even though you are an adult, you still drag these words up from deep within every time you feel things are going well for you. Your subconscious reminds you that you don't deserve good things, and so you act on this and ruin everything, because, you really do believe you don't deserve good things in your life.

That's how much words can hurt. I know, I was told when I was small, to go away, we don't want you to play with us. As a consequence I have always felt throughout my adult years, that I wasn't wanted when I was a part of a group of people. It's only since I remembered these words, about 4 years ago that I have been able to work through this problem, and so now I am getting better with joining people.

Can you perhaps take the time to sit quietly, ask your sub-conscious what causes you to self-destruct in this way, and then, don't concentrate on trying to find the answer, just start working through your mind all the blessings you have in your life, and what you are grateful for. Leave your question to your sub-conscious to sort through and come up with the reason.

This is how I discovered what was wrong with me. It may not work the first time, so keep doing it until something finally pops up and you get that AH HA moment.

Until this moment arrives work on how you think about yourself. Get rid of all negative thoughts you have. Let yourself know that you are worthwhile and deserve good things to happen in your life. Keep affirming daily in a positive way.

Don't tell yourself that you always self destruct when good things happen, because this just re-enforces to your subconscious that you do this.

Believe you deserve good things happen, maybe say "I deserve good things in my life", until you believe that you do.

Give it time, it will work. You can make it happen.

I wish you everything good in your life Colin, for I am certain you deserve it.

Stay positive,

The Truth about the Past
by: Usiku

You self-destruct because of guilt which makes you feel undeserving.

You self-destruct because of your past. A past which might be discovered and ruin any good thing you have. Therefore, you ruin it yourself first.

There is some aspect of your past you must face, deal with and tell the truth about.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.