What is wrong with me?

by Lost

I am at the end of a very long drawn out divorce that I initiated. I share 2 young children with him. I was unfaithful in my marriage numerous times. I felt he was not there emotionally for me. It seemed as though we had grown apart and there was so much resentment on both our parts. I am wondering if I had too high of expectations. I was feeling trapped and overwhelmed in my marriage. I tried numerous times to tell him I was unhappy and it was like nothing ever changed. I do care for him but am not in love with him. I do however miss the family life and feel as though I am hurting my children by all of this.

We were both unhappy it was like we were dying. It is like we kept one another at arms length. We stopped doing things together and it was like we were roommates not husband and wife.

I am now in another relationship with a man I care for deeply, but I still feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and fear. I am very insecure as though I am not worthy of his love. I know I am deeply depressed and I am seeking treatment. I do not have the support of family and I feel as though I am on my own. I feel as though there is something really wrong with me. I cry all the time. I can not stay focused and it seems nothing makes me happy any more.

The things I was good at being a mom I feel as though I am not even doing that well. I am faced with returning to work and I have had disappointment after disappointment with that. What do I need to do to get my life back. I should not my ex did not want this so he said but his actions said otherwise. Or did I imagining it all?

Comments for What is wrong with me?

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It's not wrong to feel this way.
by: Anonymous

It's okay, do not feel guilty for not being in love with your ex. You may still care for him but you aren't in love anymore. That is completely fine. He couldn't give you all that you needed so you looked elsewhere for it. It seems you may be feeling guilty about "Ruining" the family life but you haven't. Even though you and the father of your children aren't together you still love your kids and that is all that matters.

Don't let the guilt from your past relationships destroy what you now have with your new partner. Your kids will still love you no matter what and you are still the mother they always had. The only difference is that you were not happy in your previous relationship but you can be happy in your new one.

My parents are divorced and I still love them the same way I always did. So do not feel guilty for not loving your ex husband and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be happy and live your life knowing you can talk to your new partner and not feel trapped in the relationship. Hope this helps.

What is wrong with me
by: Anonymous

You need time to sort yourself out, you have mixed feelings. Maybe counselling would help or could you talk to someone in your church or someone who knows you well. You will come right and we all make mistakes. You were looking for love and affection and could not find it. Maybe your husband was incapable of giving it, he might have not ever had a good relationship with his family. Some people cannot express any kind of emotion and sometimes they take people for granted.
You have got to take a look at yourself, you are worthy of love and all that goes with it, you just looked for it in the wrong place. You have to learn to forgive yourself and to maybe understand that your husband had difficulties too and forgive him for that. Your children and your new partner deserve a new start as well. One day it will all clear up. Good luck

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