Unhappy & Scared of Life

(United States)

I am a high school senior about to graduate in 2012. I am really quiet in school and I have a twin sister but she is the opposite of me. Everyone always ask me, where is your sister? Everyone loves her. I am not jealous I am really happy that she's not like me unsociable. I have close friends but at a different school.

I am really scared of life. I don't know what I want to do. My ACT score is really low and I know I need to study. Everyone says I'm smart and I will go to college. But I don't believe in myself I have really low self-esteem and little confidence. I'm really sad all the time I always feel like crying. I am such a depressing person but I don't show it. I act normal like nothing's happening. I really have a hard time staying focused in school projects, I've been procrastinating and not caring.

I believe what has affected me is having a birthmark on my face. I don't know how to drive, don't have a high ACT score, don't have a job. My sister always tells me I'm useless, worth crap. I try to stay positive though and not listen to her. I have goals in life to be successful and make my parents proud of me.

I don't talk to anyone about being depressed because I don't like people feeling sorry for me and know everything about me. I just cry when I'm alone and sometimes before going to sleep. I am really emotional. I don't cut myself or anything like that, I'm just sad. I want to be happy and enjoy life.

Whenever I watch a movie and there's a sad part, I tend to cry. I care about what people think about too much that's why I am a quiet person and because I don't know what to say. I am really shy. And I'm really scared of people judging me. And I'm such a nice person to everyone and people take advantage of that.

I wish I was strong. I want to be fun and outspoken but I don't know how. It really upsets me that I'm not happy. I'm just too scared to do anything. I wish I wasn't insecure. And it really gets me that people are really smart like in school subjects and everything and I am not. I wish I was super intelligent like them. I need to change the way I am to be successful and be happy.

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Unhappy and scared of life.
by: Anonymous

Have you a counsellor at your school to whom you could talk, a sympathetic teacher who can give you some help as to what you could do when you leave school.

It is easy to let someone else make you feel bad but you do not have to let these people do this. Often they feel bad themselves and when they see someone more vulnerable than them, they will pick on them.

You do not have to go to college straight away if you do not know what you want to do, you can have a gap year and do something during that time even if it is voluntary work of some kind.

Whatever you do, look for someone who can listen to you and who will help you see what you can do.
Make a list of all the talents that you have and what activities that you are good at, and find someone else who is feeling the same as you and do something to help them feel a lot better about themselves.

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