Tormented soul

I am a 26 year old male, but by no means a man. All my life, I have held the belief that something is wrong with me; my time to date has been testament to that.


Throughout my short existence, I have been to numerous psychiatrists and mental health wards. I have never felt like I fit in with any group of people, whether male or female. I have had only one intimate relationship, and she threw me away shortly thereafter.

I once had a career in the US Navy but lost it due to my drug problems. I have been addicted to alcohol, painkillers, cocaine, and have done a plethora of other mind-altering substances. I have accidentally shot myself in my left foot with a .45 ACP (the irony is that I am an avid weapons collector). I am not at all proud of what I have done, yet I still have to live with myself.

On top of all this, I am unemployed and living with my folks. Needless to say, my self-confidence and self-esteem are nonexistent.

I know that I should be grateful for what I have; things could be far worse. Believe me, I have gratitude, but I lament for my lack of belief in myself and the confidence to succeed in life. All I can feel is anger, regret, and despair. Anger at myself for all my wrongdoings, regret for my dreams that will never come to fruition, and despair because I believe that my life will be nothing more than an abyss of pain and loneliness. All I want is to be someone that I can be proud of, with a purpose and a meaning.

Comments for Tormented soul

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i have been you
by: Anonymous

I had a beautiful son that had the same torment as you. He thought he was useless and had no confidence/ yet he had a beautiful soul and was a talented musician and writer/ but had very little recognition apart from when he was in his 20s.

You will have gathered he is no longer with me/ and now I have been drowning my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle. Until today. I simply walked along a path by a stream with the sun shining on my face for 5 mile. The first time without a drink and I felt alive again for the first time in two years. You need to get your confidence back

What I do know for sure drugs and drink make you believe you are no good/ they are not your friend. You must be a very exceptional young man to have got through the torment you have suffered. You are probably very intelligent look at all the great people that were tormented souls
tormented soul-bright spot
by: thanapal

I would like to give you encouragement that you will and can become like any other guy,but I know that's not going to happen.It's just that some brains are wired differently and they cannot function in any way than their regular way of functioning -that's what you have described nicely.
Freud used to say that any man who is totally in touch with reality can only be depressed because the reality of this world is nothing to feel elated about.Then he goes on to add that since no man is supposed to perceive reality as such these people who are in constant touch with truth should be considered sick and should be brought to a condition where they will imagine and perceive this world and living as a real gift.
I think you can get the big picture now.So what to do with those feelings?The simple solution is that NOW you are privy to the nature of world don't dwell too much in your mind .You just go along as if the world is a beautiful place to be.Whenever something is too overwhelming remember Freud's realistic assessment about this world and bear the pain.I am sure in the long run you will be able to gently accept anything that's happening with great fanfare and who knows you may be able to appreciate something too.
IT MEANS YOU HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE NORMALLY IN LIEU WITH THE WORLD.
Best of luck,
Thanapal.
Torment
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. You are what you believe about yourself. The thoughts you have have made your reality. You can change the way you are by changing those thoughts. Before you dismiss what I have said, think about it for a while, because it is the truth.

I want to point out how much you have achieved in your life. I am not going to focus on the negativity that you have gone through, but on how you have been brave enough to cope with these challenges and overcome them. This takes courage don't you think? A certain amount on faith in your ability to achieve? So all in all I believe you've done pretty well.

It is never too late to go for your dreams, only if you believe it is. There's no point in looking back with regret, look to the future with confidence. Stop dragging the past into the future.

Each time you wake up you have a new day, a blank slate for you to work on and weave your thoughts into, doing what you want to and planning the goal you hope to achieve, and then of course working towards it, slowly, one step at a time, but with confidence, know that you can and will achieve.

The future is yours to do what you want in, it is a time for turning your life around and changing it, and you, into how you long to become. Change your thought pattern, and with the right attitude (a positive one!) there is nothing you cannot do.

Prove this to yourself by starting today with a single "I can do this" thought!

Good luck

Love
Kay

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