Studies affected by low self esteem

by Vandana
(New Zealand)

I have low self esteem and lack of confidence I admit it.

I am an average student I get B's and C's and at the moment am doing a Bachelor of Science degree. The problem is that I am taking more time to finish my degree then the usual 3 years that it takes to finish.

This does not mean that I am stupid....I am slow I think it's hard so am taking my time finishing. I have cousins that are smart and have done pharmacy etc.... If I were to fail a paper at Uni my parents (especially my mum) instead of encouraging me and telling me don't worry you will pass next time just try harder she puts me down and says things like should have done a certificate it's easier...why did you choose a hard degree and so on. I don't want to just do a certificate I want to study further.

I love my parents but I hate the fact that they always put me down. They compare me to my smart cousin and say why did you not do pharmacy.....I cannot do that I study what is within my capabilities, they expect me to be someone that I am not.

Because of all these put downs I am failing and I don't have confidence and this has effected me because there is favouritism within our families. I feel so insignificant. I don't know who to talk to. At times when I go to bed at night I cry myself to sleep...nobody knows and all this negativity has really got my spirits down and I feel that there is nothing to look forward to in life I feel like a failure.

I want to be successful and my dream is to finish my degree and graduate and make my parents proud that I have a degree.

The other thing is that people are always asking what have you studied?....when do you finish?.....are you still studying? People are so nosy why can't they just leave me in peace and let me finish at my own pace.

I admit I do feel a bit embarrassed....when people come over to our place I hide in my room cause they ask so what does your daughter do and so on.... I try and not react by their comments but I get hurt.

Please somebody out there can you help what should I do?

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Studies and low self esteem
by: Kay

Hello Vandana

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

The first thing I have to say, and I really do mean this - you are amazing! You know what it is that you want to do, and are prepared to study, no matter how long it takes, until you achieve your dream.

I say to you, well done, don't ever feel you aren't achieving, because you are. It doesn't matter how long it takes you, how many times you fail, the important thing is that you don't give up, that you don't pay attention to the negative comments, but keep doing your best until you finally get your Bachelor of Science Degree.

It's very disheartening not to receive praise and encouragement from your family and it must be horrible being compared to others. Of course, you are right when you say you have to do what it is that you want. It would be wrong for you to study towards something that your hearts not in just because it was easier, or because others think you should.

Have you sat your mother down and explained how you feel about the negative comments, and told her that you are not interested in studying the same subjects as your other family members?

I would ask you to be very proud of yourself and what you are achieving. Try not to react when you hear the negative comments. I know this is not going to be easy, but when you think about it, if you didn't react to what was said, you wouldn't have a problem. Can you see this as true?

No way are you insignificant! Get rid of that thought straight away! You are a credit to yourself and other students who at times find that things don't come easy to them, yet always stay determined to succeed.

Can you try to change your own thoughts. You appear to be accepting as true the negative things that you hear. Start telling yourself some good positive words to wipe out your negative feelings and hurt.

When you take to heart what others say you will become this way, so I really would like you to start feeding your mind strong positive information, such as "I am very confident". "I am worthwhile," "I am powerful" "I am successful at everything I do" "I am precious" "I am important" "I am unique" "I love me" "I am clever" and on and on! Anything that makes you feel good inside.

Your subconscious accepts and believes everything you tell it, so please try to stop feeding the negative thoughts to it, and tell it everything wonderful about yourself.

Stay determined and don't give up on your dream. Good luck with your studies, and stay true to yourself, for you are indeed unique, and very worthwhile!

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