sibling rivalry

by Angry and Sad

I am 24 years old, married, and the mother of a 3 year old. My father passed away a little over a year ago and now my oldest sister and I just can't seem to see eye to eye.

My father went into the hospital on a Friday evening and passed away Thursday morning. (about a week) It was a really tough time for all of us. No one can really prepare you for the death of a parent you were close too.

Unlike my two sisters, I was the only one with a job and a two year old. I stayed with dad all weekend (did not spend the night) and visited him during lunch hour at work and after work EVERY DAY.

After he passed away, two of my sisters decided that we should go and clean out his house. I didn't want too, dad had just died and I didn't want to go through his things........but like a good little girl I went. For three days straight, we went through things, and everyone shared stories.....I sent my husband the rest of the time because I just needed to be alone. I couldn't take anymore time off of work and my son had been sick the whole time my dad was in the hospital. So I was needed at home as well.

Since then, she absolutely despises me. Her AND her husband, who is upset because of something I said while cleaning at the house. No one will tell anyone what it is? I have no idea what they are talking about! Regardless, isn't it time for everyone to move on.

About three months afterward, I called the older sister just to chat and she just let me have it. Told me I was selfish, I didn't step up to the plate and be with my family, the world revolved around me, and the list goes on. She said the rest of the family, including my baby sister who I'm really close too felt the same way.

I'm a soft hearted person so this has absolutely devastated me being at odds with my older half sister. I always looked up to her and am disappointed to find that she thinks of me so poorly. And come to find out that my little sister felt the same? It's been a tough year.

Finally after about 3 months or so, my little sis and I talked and she apologized for treating me the way she did. She was just trying to deal with dad and what not. She said she felt horrible. I did nothing wrong? Why is the older sister still so hateful?

Worse yet, is that now my nine year old niece calls me "princess Ashley" because I'm in my 'own little world.'

It's been over a year. He died December 18th last year. How can I move past this? The only times I relive it are when my little sister tells me what the older one said about me. It breaks my heart that she has been dragged into the middle of all of this.

Any advice would be most helpful.

Comments for sibling rivalry

Click here to add your own comments

by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Grief affects people in various ways, many blame God and turn away from him blaming him for what has happened. It is normal to feel hurt and anger at the loss of a loved one, and it seems to me that your sister is pouring her grief into a dislike and anger at you. This appears to be her way of coping with the loss of her father.

Give her time to come to terms with the conflicting thoughts she is having. I hope they will diminish over a period of time as her pain lessens. To make it easier for you why not ask your younger sister not to pass on the horrible things your sister says about you. When you hear what is said you are hurting yourself over and over again.

Stay in touch with your older sister by sending her birthday and Christmas cards, phone her when you feel up to it, and then let her carry on with her life in the way she chooses. You have done nothing wrong, you saw your father as often as you could. I agree with you when you say you had to stay with your son who was ill at that time.

Put the bitterness and harsh words behind you, when you do this you will feel stronger. It is time to move past what has happened, I am certain your father wants you to be happy and not dwelling on his illness and death, but looking back on the happy times that he shared with his family.

Time is a great healer.


Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.