Self-pity and depression have consumed me

by Genny

I don't know if i have the right to feel this way but i have been like this for almost a year now. I am a 23 years old, a registered Nurse. I feel so depressed, demotivated and my self-esteem as well as my self-confidence have all been hanging barely in a thread.

I avoided my friends as well as those who knew me because of the fear that they might judge me or what. I would say that this is the darkest phase of my life right now. But way back in college, I was so full of hope, enthusiastic and outgoing, now i am the total opposite of the person i was before. I can find a job that relates to my profession. It's been a year now that i am looking for job. I attended interviews and even relocated to find a better opportunity but they all seemed bleak and there are no results from my effort.

I did volunteer job for 15 months and although it is impractical, i was forced to do it mainly for the fact that i don't want to allow myself to wallow in pity and have something to be busied of. After my volunteer job, i went to another place in search for better opportunity but i came back home defeated and tired and sick of travelling with no satisfying result. Now, i'm beginning to question my existence. I don't want to go out because i can seem to enjoy myself even amidst the cheery environment with my friends. I stay at home and all the more i feel so depressed because of my overbearing, domineering, strict and uncommunicative, distant aunt who was my guardian for as long as i can remember. Her constant nagging and belittling have further shrunk me into my shell.

I am afraid to go to family reunions for the fear that my relatives may judge me. God knows how hard it is how to find a decent job with my profession here. I even got to the point in which i cursed my course. Life is unfair, it really never is.

Whenever I look at those other people who are happy, i am even more depressed and wondering if i could experience a kind of happiness that is not so shallow. I am basically alone. I never lived with my parents, i am with my uncommunicative and uneffectionate aunt. My days would go by unnoticed because i am just always staying in my bedroom, too depressed and depleted of energy even to think of my future. I hope there's something that could be done in my circumstance. I'd really appreciate whatever words you have for me guys.

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Self pity and depression have consumed me.
by: Anonymous

You sound really down and out and trying for work and not being able to find it, can get to anyone.
I think you need some professional assistance. Depression is a hard thing to contend with at any time and joy germs like your family do not help when they put you down.

You have not been through very long either and it can be hard to find work when experience counts.
I think you should go to your doctor or to a counsellor who can help you sort out some of your problems. Or could you go and talk to someone in connection with your professional association.
There is someone out there who can help and the sooner you find this person the better. I have been a nurse myself and know just how hard things can be when life goes wrong, I have been through a lot and the nursing profession is not an easy one. You have to look at what you are good at and strive towards that even if you have to go and take further study if this is available to you.

Just ignore this relative, it would be better if you can shift away from her as soon as you are able to. Best of luck

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