self esteem, confidence about my body and my personality.

by Vanessa

Hi my names Vanessa, I'm 19 years old.

Since I was 16 I've had low self-esteem and I feel that I hate my body. I'm very petite and 152 cms and weigh about 42kg. I find that I always think about how much I dislike my body, I always look at reflections of myself and cringe.

I'm always, always comparing my body to other girls, and in all honesty, 99% of the time, I think the other person has a way better body than mine and I think why couldn't I have been born with the potential to have a better and curvier body. I don't even feel like a 19 year old, I feel like I have a 12 year old's body and occasionally I cry about how I look, I just don't like it.

I'm very paranoid that when people look at me, they look at me and think that they're lucky that don't have a body like mine, or that I look really skinny and small. Sometimes I don't even like going to uni, because of how I look, I don't want to deal with people looking at my body. I still go, but everywhere I go, I always walk fast paced, so no one would have to see me properly or I wouldn't have to be noticed. I avoid places like clubs sometimes where theres a lot of pretty girls with nice bodies and have dresses that they probably picked out effortlessly. I also avoid clubs because I don't want to make the effort to wear a dress, because that would mean shopping for one, and I'm not confident when it comes to shopping, I genuinely feel that every dress looks ugly on me and if I were taller and had better curves that they would look better.

I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 2 months, and I even feel uncomfortable when he watches me walk, I just feel like I'm ugly in all angles, and I keep thinking that he probably would have wanted a girl with a better figure, or that if he doesn't care about that now, that one day he'll look at me and wish I had a better figure. I've told him about my body issues, and he says I'm fine, but I don't think he actually understands what I feel, mostly because I don't go into detail like I am right now.

This is unrelated to my body issue, this is more about how I feel others view me. I feel that other people find me annoying, because I'm out going and a little bit loud when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, but just recently I found out that there are people that have been talking about me saying I'm annoying. I feel that I don't really have many genuine friends, the only genuine friend I have at the moment that I know is my boyfriend.
I'm really confused as to what kind of girl I am, I thought this phase was going to stop three years ago but its still going and I don't know if this is going to stop anytime soon. I'm not feeling better about myself and I don't know who to turn to? I cant tell my mum or dad because they just brush it off saying I'm being silly, no ones taking me seriously so i just hardly talk about it to anyone and its pretty much building up inside me.

Comments for self esteem, confidence about my body and my personality.

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low self esteem
by: Anonymous

You have to love yourself! How you are inside is more important than how you are shaped. Genuine people will love you no matter what, but most of all they will love you for the way you are on the inside.

How you are is the result of your own thoughts. Everything you do is the result of a thought. No one can choose them but you. When you aren't happy with how you are you hold the key to changing. No one can do this for you, only you.

How is this done? By changing the thoughts you have about yourself. Self talk is vital, it has to be positive, it has to be loving towards you. You can change if you make the effort. Stop today with all the negative thoughts you have, change them to positive and move forward with confidence into a new life of your choosing.

You can become however you want to be with the right attitude. Start today to become the young woman you long to be. You can do it, you just have to choose to.

Good luck

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