Rock Bottom, Help?

I guess I'm going to vent a lot, so I apologise for the long post.

Lately I have been suffering from bad depression and social anxiety it's become more apparent since I hit 16 (now I'm 17 almost 18). I feel lost and confused and I've just became a shadow of a person with many problems.

I know I'm annoying a lot of people with my problems but I just want it to be over and to be heard. I guess these problems stem from my childhood. Even though I can't exactly pinpoint where. At the minute what's bothering me is that everyone around me is growing up and I feel like I'm still stuck as that 13 year old me. My appearance is just a shipwreck, it took me till I was 16 to do something about my hair and I'm always pressured into wearing makeup but I never did because people always told me to.

With my friends, they all treat me like I'm an idiot. I usually don't think about something before I said it but they can joke around a lot about it and it really puts me down. I confronted them once but they just said I was overreacting. Was I? I mean, I felt belittled so much so that now I don't think as myself as a Human Being I feel so inferior it hurts. I don't really want to live anymore because I'm so dependent on others that whenever I do something independently they all have a little guffaw about it. All I want is my happiness, Self-Esteem and confidence.

I have got to suicidal thoughts but never attempted I fear one day it will happen. I just want to grow up but I feel I can't do it with everyone watching me. Are my friends my friends if all I feel is inferior when I'm around them? I just want to be treated as a human being but I'm just a shipwreck and I want out.

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Rock bottom help
by: Anonymous

Are these people your friends, if they are they should be supporting you not putting you down. You do not have to accept this, you can rise above it. You have to try and boost your self image. At the moment it is a poor one but you are more worthy of feeling better about yourself. We tend to draw negative experiences to us if we feel negative.
There are more positive people out there, you will find them when you look for them and when you achieve something, even small though it may be, celebrate it.
Parents and family are not always the best ones to help either, they may tend to put labels on family members or expect too much of them. We do not really know people around us, it is only when the surface is scratched that you know what they are like. You do not have to accept their judgements.

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