Past Relationship Jealousy

by Whitney

I'm 22 and have been with a perfect man for almost 3 years now. To me, our relationship is exactly a fairy-tale.

At the beginning of our relationship, he felt that he was not good enough for me and also felt the need to tell me about all of his past relationships and sexual experiences. Sadly, although its been 3 years, I still find myself bringing up his past, starting arguments, quoting him, and threatening to end our perfect relationship.

For example: He had a relationship and was once engaged to a woman who had a son. Sometimes, I find myself telling him 'you once had a family, why are you with me?' and 'If you propose to me, I would be the SECOND girl you ever propose to' ....not to mention the detailed sexual things he once told me.

I have always suffered from self-esteem issues, but I never had so much to lose before. His parents and sister have a horrible habit of mentioning his past girlfriends and commenting with them on facebook as well which will always bring me down no matter what anyone else says.

This man treats me like gold and I know he doesn't deserve me picking on him like this. I cry a lot and feel depressed but when I'm not thinking about it (or it's not shoved in my face by his mother or sister) we get along beautifully.

I would love some advice. I heard a lot of cliches like 'that's the past, not the present', or 'he's with you not them!' But they seem to have no effect. I know its a matter of confidence and low self-esteem, but I don't really know what to do.

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Relationship problem
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Unfortunately the cliches you have heard are true. What is causing your problem is things from your partner's past that, really, having nothing to do with you, and yet you are beating yourself up thinking back on what you have been told.

You know that if you carry on in this way you run the risk of losing this man, who you say treats you like gold and doesn't deserve this treatment. You have to concentrate on the fact that you are loved and cherished, and stop throwing his past up at him, because you may find yourself alone if you continue in this way.

Don't react when his mother or sister mention his other girlfriends, let your thoughts allow you to feel safe in the knowledge that these girls are not important any more because it is you that he loves.

I feel you don't realize how important you are because you aren't aware of how worthwhile you are as a person. You have to love yourself, and when you do you will feel confident inside. Your self talk is very important and you should make sure that when you think of yourself you say nothing but good things! When you have a positive outlook on life you will attract positive results.

Negative thinking and talking in a negative way to your partner could ruin everything that you love in your life, so concentrate on making your life with your partner a loving and happy one.

Good luck.


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