older brother is hurtful

My brother is 10 years older than me. We have never really been close but I think we have both tried. He has a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor and while I do think I have a sense of humor I have never been able to respond to his jokes because I often feel that they were at my expense or negative. I don't think he means to hurt me but sometimes I have a hard time remembering that. Because I don't respond easily to his conversation and freeze up around him I think he thinks I am boring. It's as if everything I do is wrong.

He was at my wedding this last weekend and I felt like he was so negative the whole time, complaining about everything instead of trying to be helpful and positive. Every time I think about it I get tears in my eyes. There is a part of me that wants to just cut ties because I'm sick of feeling like this, but I love his wife and my nieces and nephew. And I don't want to put any strain on his relationship with my mother. She has also had issues with his personality but seems to have accepted it and moved on.

I wish I didn't care so much what he thought. I think that would make things so much better! I know I am a good person and can be fun and I wish he could see this.