Nothing good in life

by lisa
(uk)

Had a bad time with my dad when we were younger, he pushed my mum about a lot & cheated for many yrs, after having children with someone else he left, then when she had enough he came back. He was never there for any of us, has gone through stages where he has said he hates all of us & we're not his children.


Then I met a guy at 16 I fell madly in love with - only for him to do the same. I put up with him cheating & treating me like crap for 2 yrs then finally woke up when the other girl was going to have his baby. Unfortunately I continued to stay 'friends' with him, over the last 6 yrs haven't been able to like anyone else anywhere near how I did him. Don't really trust men anymore, or people in general.

I lost most of my friends, had 3 miscarriages while everyone else around me is settling down with kids, a good man etc.

Hate my job & just hate life really! Finally stopped talking to this guy after 6 yrs as I know I'm never going to move on properly till I do. I'm just very bitter & angry these days so I'm probably the nicest person at times either!

Have a very low self esteem, no confidence & don't know what to do anymore! I just want to be more positive, confident, courageous, trusting! I wanna do well in life & enjoy it, just don't know how!

Comments for Nothing good in life

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low self esteem problems
by: Kay

Hello,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

When as person suffers from low self esteem it is due to their own thoughts and how they see themselves. In fact more often than not the person doesn't feel any love for themselves and thinks that nobody likes them.

From what I have read in your comment, I feel this is your situation. You don't like the way you are and this makes you feel low inside.

The amazing thing is, that if you can change the thoughts you have about yourself and start to like how you are, you can get rid of this nasty low self esteem that you suffer.

Start to love yourself! Do this by refusing to react to any negative comments, or looks, that you do not like. It is the reaction you have that causes your problems. You have said that people can kill your ego, but - and I know this is going to be hard to accept - you allowed them to, by choosing to believe what they said.

You can go to the shopping malls, but you choose not to. Go to the malls, as you walk through them, say nothing but strong positive words about yourself. Make your self talk very positive and allow no negativity into your mind. Maybe don't go to purchase anything initially, just go to try out the positive self talk.

Remain in a determined frame of mind, don't react to negativity, this will help you to grow inwardly and improve your self esteem.

If you can accept that you have the choice to react in a negative way, and feel bad within, or react in a positive way, perhaps by simply telling yourself that you are a worthwhile person, you will start to like who you are.

Don't react to other people who you feel are being unkind, they are probably ignorant, and that's their problem not yours.

Change the truth you have about yourself, by telling yourself that you are beautiful, worthy, happy, loving, positive. Bring within you the positive energy these loving thoughts create, wipe out all negative thoughts by replacing them with positive words about yourself. When you do this as often as you can you should begin to love yourself.

You can help your children with how they cope, by telling them how much they are loved, how special and important they are. Encourage them to do their best and to treat people kindly.

Explain to them the importance of having positive thoughts about themselves. They should be positive from a very young age, this holds them in good stead as they grow into adulthood.

Never tell them they are useless at things when they fail, applaud them for trying, and maybe encourage them to have another go.

Children thrive on praise, so let them know how special and important they are. Give them a strong basis within to know their greatness, and they will grow into strong positive worthwhile adults, who don't react to negative comments because they are strong within themselves.

Positive self talk is vital for children as well as adults.

Good luck,
Kay
re - help
by: Anonymous

I'm a woman of 42 yrs with a very low self-esteem.

I have achieved a lot in life in terms of material things, but I cannot face the world. I don't want to be among people, everywhere I go people laugh at me.

Even if I do my job my subordinates would laugh at me. I regard myself as a professional somebody, but the way I'm treated, even lay people security guards, cleaners, my students would laugh when they see me.

I cannot even go to shopping malls now, very painful! I know I'm fat, I dress smart, but I'm just a laughing stock.

Sometimes its not just the past that brings you down, the people can kill your ego, can make you feel like you are nothing.

I'm a mother of 2 I'm afraid my children will grow up experiencing the same. I really need some help or if there is anyone who has experienced the same and share how he/she dealt with it.
Unhappy thoughts
by: Kay

Hi Lisa,
Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

After reading your message I feel that somewhere inside you is a lovely young woman with a good sense of humour.

I also feel that you have lost track of her somewhere along your turbulent life and I think the time has come for you to re-find her by working on your inner self, realising you have value, and that you are a worthwhile person. You have to love yourself Lisa!

Put behind all the negative things that have happened to you in the past and concentrate on you and your future.

How do you do this? By changing the thoughts you have about yourself. Stop telling yourself you hate your job, you hate life, and choose words such as "I love my job, I love my life." When you keep concentrating on what you hate, your subconscious hears you, has no idea that you don't want to be this way, and so this is the way you become!

Your thoughts become your reality, when you put out negativity, what do you get back? Negativity!

You really do have a choice in your life. You can become positive, courageous, trusting, but only you can make yourself this way by telling your subconscious that you are a positive, courageous and trusting person.

Start to believe in yourself Lisa. Look in the mirror and say "I love you Lisa". Yes, I know you will feel foolish at first, but it will make you smile and feel better the more you say it.

Tell yourself as often as you like (the more the better) how wonderful you are, and really begin to feel this inside and you will start to change into the way you want to be.

Don't give up if you feel nothing's happening after a few tries, make positive words a part of your life, a part of who you are, and you will reap the benefits in time.

I wish you happiness Lisa.

Love
Kay

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