no trust after mult emotional affairs

by Done, jealous, and alone

My husband has had several emotional affairs we have been to counseling. My husband apologized for the emotional affairs I knew about but others kept popping up. He had gotten to the point that he wasn't willing to apologize anymore and if they contacted him through email he felt it was rude not to reply. This has been going on for almost three years. I have been an emotional wreck and due many other incidents and issues between us... I don't trust him one bit.

He recently he has a new male friend at work and they do everything together at work. In the beginning he and his friend would talk on the phone after work on the drive home or through text and I had a problem with the close connection because we don't have one yet. I feel he basically stopped the female affairs and just moved it to a male. He is always rude to me. When I bring up my feelings that I feel left out his life he always has a tit for tat response. He gets very angry that I don't agree with him on whatever and these burst of anger have gotten physical sometimes to the point he wants me to just shut up... he has pushed me, tried spraying carbonated water from a can on me, laid on top of me to say, that I am smothering him. Does this man really love me. In the beginning he was able to admit he had issues but now its all me and he really doesn't care that I am at the point of wanting to take my life. I have dealt with alcohol issues, addiction to porn, lying and having lunch with women, his grown kids lying on me, his ex wife flirting with him in my face to the point I don't want him talking to her. This of course has turn into a problem with him getting to see or be around his grandkids because the kids have taken their Mother's side. I don't want a divorce but how do i cope with all this. How do I know when enough is a enough. Is it me? Please help any advice is appreciated and welcomed.

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No trust after multi emotional affairs
by: Anonymous

You dont want a divorce?
If you will allow me to be frank, I think you are married to a little boy, who you have allowed to get away (or nearly) with murder! The more you allow him to get away with it,the more he will do it. He's not going to change, you are. In as much as you will hopefully change your partner. He's Pond Life, ditch him and get someone worthy of your love. The affairs he's had, I note you call them emotional affairs? Why? Are you detaching yourself from it? And his new friend, he is behaving like a single man. He does not respect you. I would have kicked him into touch years ago. You like everyone else, deserve love, and to be treated with respect,so go and get it.

no trust after multi emotonal affairs
by: Anonymous

All I have to say that leopards do not change their spots. Someone like this does not change if they can get away with it.
You have to say to yourself that you are worth more than to stay with someone like this but you are the only person to make that decision to go or to stay.
It is so much easier to just stay and put up with all the hassle and it takes a lot of courage and planning to break free especially if there are financial involvements
If you move, it is not going to be easy at first but eventually you may be pleased that you did make that move.

No trust
by: Kay

Thank you for your message. I feel saddened by what you are putting up with. You ask if this man loves you and said he has pushed you, got physical, shouted at you, lied to you, cheated on you many times, pounced on you, squirted you with carbonate water, has made you an emotional wreck, you don't trust him, and so on. I want to ask you. If I said these were my circumstances in my home, what would your reply be to me?

Only you can decide whether you are prepared to put up with this life. If you walk away do you have somewhere to go? You say you don't want a divorce and I am wondering whether you feel you have no option but to stay put where you are.

It's easy for me to say you are in charge of your thoughts, you choose how you want your life to be but sometimes circumstances cannot be change because you have no one who can help you. Should this be the case I would recommend that you make a life for yourself within the bounds of your marriage. Go out and make friends so that you aren't tied to the home. Join any clubs that are in your area. Go out for walks. Do things that give you pleasure. It's not possible to change another person but it is possible to change yourself.

I wish you luck, stay strong and become how you want to be.


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