My perspective of sadness, negative thoughts and feelings.

by Jennifer J.
(South Carolina)

Let me start by saying I have read ALL of the stories from the people here who are depressed and feel hopeless. One common thread that many people share is they feel that others do not like them or they treat them badly. I too have this same feeling.

Kay, not to disrespect you or your opinion but I firmly believe with all my heart and soul that if someone feels a certain way, there has got to be a reason for it. I don't feel it is fair to the sufferer to invalidate their feelings and tell them basically "Oh, I'm sure it's your imagination". So, to those of you who feel that parents, friends, spouses, children, grandchildren etc. are not treating you with kindness, love and are probably right.

I very rarely am treated with the kindness and care I show to others. My advice to you is to go find people who will treat you the way you should be treated. They are out there but you may have to look really hard. As for those who treat you badly, disregard their words and actions. They are the ones who are missing out.

Now, onto those who just basically hate their life. I'm right there with you on this one too. So, ask yourself this question, do you like how you feel? For most of us of course, the answer is no. The next question is what are you going to do about it? Ask yourself specifically what it is about your life you cannot tolerate. For me, it's a few things. My husband is gone a lot and although we do know a few people in the town where I live, I constantly eat dinner alone at home. This stinks and not only that, according to mental health experts, spending too much time alone is not healthy. We humans need contact with others and I think it is cruel of the people I know to ignore me which brings us back to my first point. These people are not my friends. I could sit around asking myself why no one ever calls or visits but I would be trying to figure out a problem that lies within them, not me. Why bother? This would be a futile attempt and a waste of my valuable time.

In my opinion, sadness and dissatisfaction with life is a problem and if you take the necessary steps to solve this problem, well obviously you've solved your problem. Another of the common complaints from many readers is that they are overweight(fat). Again, I can sympathize because that's another one of the things that makes me sad and unhappy. So, what am I going to do about it? I'm joining a gym and will make a commitment to myself to work out as much as necessary to drop the 100 or so extra pounds I've been lugging around for too long. I can't blame the weight issue on anyone except myself.

I am not ashamed that my life is not the way I want it. I would be ashamed if I let it continue to be this way and didn't do anything about it. Just so you know you all are not alone, below is the list of things I hate about my life that I intend to change and how I plan to accomplish this.

1. I live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and it had been my deepest desire to own a home but I quit my job because I hated it. How do I expect to buy a house with only my husband's income? Solution, find a job I can deal with.

2. Spending too much time alone makes me very sad and I feel like I'm missing out on life. Solution. Form a meet up group in my area for others like me who do not have many (or any) friends. I am going to give a detailed description when creating the group that I only want members who have the time to invest in the lives of the other members.

3. Several weeks ago, my husband decided he wanted a puppy to go with him in the truck. Never mind I'm home alone but he'd rather have a dog than me. Anyway, there are some people we know that are friends of his (not mine) who had two basset hound puppies. The rest of the litter of pups had died due to neglect. I told my husband that I didn't want anymore pets because we do not have a yard and they are just too hard to care for. I had to take the last dog he wanted and then left with me to the animal shelter because I couldn't afford to feed him which broke my heart because by then, he was mine and I loved him. Well, my husband insisted that I go get this puppy while he was away and I ended up getting the female also so I could prevent her from dying too. They were only 6 weeks old. Now I have the responsibility for taking care of two growing basset hounds and they wake me up at night and I'm surprised none of my neighbors on either side have complained. I am an animal lover but I never wanted these dogs in the first place. Again, this is a case of him not having any consideration for me. I am in this position because I was more concerned about his feelings than mind and again was taken advantage of. Solution. Find a good and loving home for both of the dogs where they have room to run and play which is something I cannot give them.

So you see, the point I am trying to make is there is always a solution but you have to get fed up with your life enough to find it. There is no law that says you have to stay unhappy. In the United States, our constitution was founded on the belief that we're all entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. You also have to establish rules for how you wish to live your life and don't let anyone step over them. I don't believe there is any "secret" to attracting what you want. Just because you want it does not mean it will come to you. The universe does not care one way or another. You have to go and get it. Find out what you love to do and then do it better than anyone else. That is how you find success. Best of luck to you all and heartfelt gratitude for sharing your stories. Reading them has brought clarity through the tears I've cried all weekend. Love and Hugs to each and every one of you and to you Kay for making this website available.

Comments for My perspective of sadness, negative thoughts and feelings.

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I think you're great
by: Anonymous

I'll tell you what,I would'nt mind having you as a friend. You are very honest,and are willing to get,up and do something about it.
Your husband sounds quite selfish, and is enjoying the life he has. Shame about you. I agree you have to make your own luck,as life is not a rehearsal. Get out there and make yourself happy, get your house with a garden, and change your old man if he's not willing to go along with it.

well said
by: Anonymous

Well said on all you wrote. I'm not sure how old you are, but I feel that the older I get (I'm 42) the less and less I see of people in my life. My phone hardly rings like it use too. People have families and have their own lives.

I liked your #2... please update your page and let me know how it goes.. I need to do something similar because I'm very alone too.

Thanks for sharing and peace, love and happiness to you.

You are not on your own by any means
by: Anonymous

You would be surprised to find out how many people put more vulnerable people down because they themselves feel inadequate and the same way that you do. They have their own pain to deal with and do not deal with it well, taking it out on other people to make themselves feel better.

If you can realise that some of the ones who are unkind and unhelpful are just as vulnerable underneath as you, then you might begin to see some light. Take a look at them and maybe you will see their feet of clay and then realise you are not so bad as you thought that you were.

Your husband may not be the one to help and support you because of his own inadequate feelings, that he is unable to cope and tries by just ignoring you. Men have learned to be insensitive because of conditioning learned when they were children and they lack communication skills. You may not have had a good relationship with your mother and had nurturing from her.

Have you thought of trying to get some counselling or to find a group of people who can give you support and help you to find yourself.
Somewhere out there is someone who can help you get out of this slough of despond.

Maybe there is some step out there you can go to get out of this and it may take some time and courage to do it.

You have plenty of good life ahead of you, and plenty of time to make some progress. It took me years but I have finally got there.

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