My out look on life.
(Iowa, United states)
Hello. I am Taeyler. I am almost 16. I feel that I am never happy with my life or myself, & a lot of teenagers feel this way. My dad was pretty much never in the picture, still barely is. He's an alcoholic. I live with my mom and her boyfriend, they also both have problems with pills and alcohol and drugs, etc.
I have always basically found my own ways to get my necessities, clean clothes, shampoo, and those little things most people have. She constantly puts me down, I feel half the time I'm her mom because she only has clothes because of me, only has cleaning stuff because of my friends, and I know she loves me, but just yeah I don't know.
I have a bad reputation from my past. I have a lot of friends, but most of them also think negatively and put themselves down, or me down. I constantly feel everything is going wrong, my weight, my home life, school, friends, acne, feeling lonely, lost. I have depression, anxiety, binge eating disorder, & already have stomach problems, neck problems and back problems due to stress. Now I know most of the things that make me stressed out are all things I can't really change unless I want all new friends, which is very hard to do at a junior in high school, when I basically know everyone already.
The home life thing, well I've put up with it my whole life, 2 more years and I can leave, I don't want DHS involved. So basically I want help improving my outlook on life, my thoughts, my self esteem. I always think negatively, I try to think positive and when I do, I get let down, so then I ultimately stay thinking negative. I don't know what to do, I know it's no one else's fault, and only I can control it, so I really want help. I've tried meds, for depression and all that, I've tried counselors, all that several times, several meds, several counseling sessions, my whole life since I was 8. Nothing helps. I sound pathetic, and I don't know, I just feel I can't do this on my own. Please help?