My older brother hates me

by Kaylea

I am the second child of five and the only girl. My older brother has been mean to me since I was born. We are a year apart. He was mean when we were little but the real problems started when I got to junior high. He got all his friends to call me fat and many other names. It was such a hard time for me because the time that you are beginning to wish boys thought you were cute all the boys my age and a year older were calling me fat. I thought I was huge, but I wasn't fat at all. This continued utill at least my junior year when the boys finally stopped for the most part, but my brother continued.

All the damage he had done actually gave me a eating disorder on and off for years even through college. My brother has always been more successful than me. I was good at basketball, but he was great. He got better grades than me. I can't think of many things I was more successful at then he was, but I was ok with that. Completely ok with that.

I guess maybe just part of being from a big family. The whole point is though that he had nothing to be jealous of, so I know that's not it. He went on to be a successful college athlete and then actually on to the professionals.

I recently have met many of his friends from college and all I have heard about is all the horrible things my brother has told them over the years about me. How I am fat, disgusting, ugly, and many more very hurtful words. Words I wouldn't even use for someone I hated. Many of them were shocked and ended up thinking I was actally really good looking, maybe partially due to the fact they had such low standards for what I would look like.

Anyways, we are growing up and I am 24 and he is 25. We are no longer teenagers. He is now married and I thought this is a stage we would grow out of. He was always a little mean to our other siblings, but he only seems to be growing closer and closer to my little brothers and farther from me.

When we are in public he often doesn't even take the time of day to say hello or anything. He acts like I have done something so horrible to him that he doesn't even want a relationship with me. We have fought a little in high school, but other than that I haven't done anything to him. I just feel like everything he does shows he wants to have no relationship with me at all.

I do love him and I would do anything to have a healthy loving relationship with my brother, but it's obviously not what he wants. When he has seen me bawling before because of what he says to me he just laughs. He is very closed off about his emotions. I just don't know what to do. I do want him in my life, but he still to this day tells me how fat he thinks I am every time I see him.

I have been wondering lately if I should completely cut all ties with him, at least for now. I don't want to but what other choice do I have. I can no longer handle his emotional abuse anymore. I have to do whats best for me too. Please someone help.

Comments for My older brother hates me

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Bully grown up
by: Anonymous

My brother hated me from the minute they brought me from the hospital. He told my parents to take me back where they got me.

He started making fun of me when I was only three years old. I remember crying hysterically when he would touch me. He acts like I ruined his life - that he would have been the spoiled only child if not for me. His hatred is pathological and irrational. He is now middle aged and spreads lies about me. He calls me a liar even though I have always been honest to a fault.

My nervous system is abnormal because of the constant vigilance to stop him from bullying me. It has affected my health.
I can only hope that he will get back what he gave out. He will not admit that he has the problem because he thinks that I am the problem. He is always telling what a big Christian he is, but is the worst advertisement for religion with his hatred. I wanted peace, but all I get is backstabbing and hatred.

Family by Kay
by: Anonymous

Wow Kay, that has to be the best response yet!
Thank you so much for helping us.
God Bless

My brother hates me
by: Lizzy

My older brother has always been mean to me ever since I was a little girl he would always call me fat even though one day the name calling stopped he still acted so hateful towards me. I'm 19 and he's 27.

I wish he treated me like a little sister. We have no talk what's so ever. We just live in the same house basically. He always gets mad and he just yelled at me for something that I did on accident and I just cried about it. It sucks but the best thing you can do is go on with your life because no one deserves to get treated like dirt. Best of luck all

by: sal

I would suggest you to cut all your ties with your brother. If your presence doesn't matter to him maybe distance will make him closer to you otherwise you will know he doesn't give a hoot then live your life as there happens to be some rotten fruits in some families, know that it is life and move on. Such men are probably insecure.

I have an older brother too who is 29 and I will soon be 27. He has abused me verbally as well as physically and threatened me that he will cut my throat. I believe it is life, shit happens but the things that hurt us deep only make us stronger. so, learn from this and try to avoid such people who mistreat you. Being happy and around positive people is very crucial to live a contented life.


I know how you feel.
by: Marisa

I know how you feel, my older brother has ALWAYS been mean and hateful to me too. I remember when I was about three years old my brother push me down the steps and I broke my arm and he never said sorry or anything and he didn't care that he broke my arm.

Well about a couple years after that my brother was being really mean to me and we were playing on the deck in the backyard and he told me to stand up on the side of it so I did and you know not being smart, and he pushed me off and I broke my leg and my arm again it made me so mad. Ding when I was about to say 11 my brother started calling me names he did this once in a while throughout my life but it was getting worse now he's going to call me fat stupid dumb and I started to put on a little weight because I couldn't help but think that he was right and after that he said that I was eating everything in the house and that I was worthless and I didn't do anything when I really did do all the chores I would tell him that he was wrong because when he was home all he would do was sit in his room playing on his Xbox or his PlayStation, he said that I was wrong because he had to go to work which was about once a week he says he works for about eight hours but that was only for one day of the week and see it here at home he usually be down in his room and I'd be helping my mom with the laundry taking her dirty clothes down to the laundry room doing the dishes and cleaning up the house when he would be doing nothing. I'm still going through this was my brother he's never stop calling me fat or lazy or worthless or anything like that he still does to this day and age is it doesn't make me feel good about myself and I'm afraid that he'll keep doing this until adults in just about a month ago broke my other arm so really I have three broken body parts my arm twice my leg want afraid that he'll keep doing this until you come adults in just about a month ago broke my other arm so really I have three broken body parts my arm twice my leg once and my other arm once you told me that it's my fault that I get my bones keep getting broken but really it's his fault I know I sound like a kid saying that but even really been the one who makes the stuff happen and my other arm once you told me that it's my fault that I let my bones keep getting broken but really it's his fault I know I sound like a kid saying that but even really been the one who makes the stuff happen

I don't know if you have it worse than me or not but me and my brother the only children went on a family of five children so usually I'm the one who gets picked on he never he never picks on anyone else except for me I need on occasion to tell it to my mom and dad and he'll get in trouble but not that much trouble he'll just get yelled that and that's it if I yell at my parents I'll get my iPad my phone and my iPod taken away am I not that much trouble he'll just get yelled that and that's it if I yell at my parents I'll get my iPad my phone and my iPod taken away and my wii.

I'm sorry that this is happened to you I would say the best thing to do would be to cut off your relationship with your brother still talk to him and don't go to family gatherings with him around I mean you can still go to family gatherings just don't be around because then he'll start saying those things about you I know you talked a lot about myself but I hope This has helped a little.

by: Anonymous

I'm currently 13 my brother is 20 we have no other siblings and I have a better relationship with him than I do with my mum. We barely ever disagree and we always hangout when hes not at work. I wish I could help out all the unloved siblings.

I think a thing that really brought us together was video games, when I was around 7-8 we would play games such as super smash bros and such, the reason why we played those games was because our parents were always fighting,I think that's another thing that really brought me and my brother together (somehow) good luck people

by: Anonymous

Re: An earlier post
Borderline Personality and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are NOT THE SAME, NOR does a "narcissist" necessarily have BPD.

Why does my older brother hate me?
by: Anonymous

From the time I was born by brother has treated my like a lesser human. He and my older sister are really close and they are the close in age. He's 21 and I'm 15. Every time he comes home from college it's like our family is a chore to him.

Granted I can be a handful, but everyone seems to fair fine with me. My mother is always stressed and he just seems to make it worse with the constant fighting. When I try to ask my sister all she says is I'm not getting into it.

I wish he would just leave me alone and stop criticizing me. I am a perfect A+ student and all he ever had to say to me is how I need to go work. I can't help but think it's my fault, but even when I sass him back its not rude or anything. I just can't figure out why he has hated me since I was born.

A Nephew in the Picture
by: Kiki

I'm still Blown Away by how common this problem is. It is my younger brother as I stated before whom is verbally abusive toward me. He is also abusive toward my mother, but not quite as bad.

I've tried so hard to make it work, and it has only made things worse. He and his wife have not returned any of my texts or phone calls in about a year. I'm graduating from college this weekend, and, when he heard that, he called my mom and told her how angry he was that I did not invite him to my graduation ceremony.

Why would i invite him when he wont return any of my calls? And why woukd he even want to go? Or did he just want the opportunity to turn me down? It's like he's playing this crazy game in his head, and no matter what I do, I can't win.

I think the best course of action at this point is to cut off all contact. The only problem is that he has a brand new baby, my very first nephew and my mom's only grandchild. The baby is only 3 months old. I really want to be a part of the baby's life. But if I cut out all contact with my brother, even if it's for my own Mental Health, I hate the fact that my nephew will grow up hearing bad things about me and/or thinking I don't want to be a part of his life.

I'm thinking of writing my nephew some letters or maybe even setting up an email address for him. That way I can write him whenever i want and give the letters to him or the email address to him when he turns 18. I hate the thought that I might have to go 18 years or longer without having a relationship with my nephew.

Perhaps I will never have one with him. But I just can't seem to put up with my brother's abuse, even for my nephew's sake. It's heartbreaking.

I wonder what causes this horrible thing that makes siblings turn against one another. I was raised with the belief that family is the most important thing in the world, and the only thing you can truly count on. I was raised that you never turn your back on family. So this rift between my brother and I has been extremely painful.

Well, I will always hold out hope for a miracle, I think my best bet at this point is to cut off all contact. What a sad situation so many of us find ourselves in.

I'm the mean older brother
by: Anonymous

I have two younger brothers, one is 3 years younger and the other is 14 years younger.
We have the same mom but different dads.
Growing up, I was mean to my younger brothers because I could not handle their personality, both being adhd.
The reason I was mean to them is because I suffered from depression and hated myself, so instead of being nice and helping my brothers I ignored them and beat them if they came near me.
My depression began when I was 11 and our mom was on her second divorce and third marriage. I remember hearing her and my middle brother's dad screaming at each other at night. Then my youngest brother's dad came around and it was downhill from there. I started to feel unloved from my mom and I remember looking at myself in the mirror, not liking what I see, and hitting myself in the head.
Eventually my mom took me in at 16 to see a psychiatrist and get on meds but it was too late.
Now my middle brother is in prison and my youngest brother, 18, had been in and out of jail and has no motivation.
I blame myself for this, but I plan on working my ass off so I can provide for my brothers a healthy lifestyle.
Sorry for spilling my guts here but if you are and older sibling please do not be mean to your younger siblings because the impact you have on them can affect them for the rest of their lives.

My older brother hates me
by: Anonymous

I have a brother who is 12 years older than I am. I am 70 and he is now 82. I also have an older sister who is 83. My brother will just cut me out of his life at will. I always have to reach out to him and then when we talk he find ways to hurt me. Tells me I should have never been born, etc. Yesterday he became agitated and called me "evil". He said he was sorry he talked to me although I did nothing to incur this verbal assault.

I have spent years trying to forge a loving relationship with my brother, but he just does not care nor want it. I also get verbally abused by my sister at times, but never as bad as my brother. I'm too old for this and I just have to accept the fact that he resents me and always will.very, very sad

by: Kiki

I'm amazed so many people are having the same problem as me. My younger brother and I were very close growing up. But as he got older, he cared less and less about me. His personality changed, and his actions did not make sense to me. It truly feels like the little brother I had has died, and in his place is the monster who killed him. We fought, but I have always tried to heal the rift between us. He has told me flat out he does not have time in his life for me right now.

I was talking to my psychiatrist about my problems with him, and she said it sounded like he had compensatory narcissistic personality disorder. I looked that up, and finally my brother's behavior made sense. He is like the textbook example of narcissism. Unfortunately, everything I have read says personality disorders cannot be fixed. So I know for my own mental health, I need to let him go. But in my heart I will never stop loving him. And I will never stop hoping that God can get through to him and do what man says is impossible.

by: Anonymous

My brother is 2 years older to me. We were okay in our childhood i guess. When he reached high school. He started getting pretty abusive. He'd beat the s**t out of me. Not that i held back. But i'm small and skinny. He is a big guy. My mom would support him 'cause its easier to side with the stronger dude i guess.

One night i texted him asking him what was wrong. LOL. I was 15. I did not expect the poisonous vitriol he texted back. "You are not my sister, you poisonous b**ch.....". Well i cried that night. It did break my heart. The death of sibling love(at least whatever i had). Death indeed . Now he's 27. Im 24. We barely talk and i don't let it bother me. If he tries to abuse me, i abuse back as loudly and crassly. The message is clear. Im not that gentle, insecure, vulnerable little girl who wanted her big bros love anymore. Im a strong adult and you DO NOT MESS with me.

If a relationship is toxic, CUT the ties binding you to that person, whoever it is :) and yea i have a great big sister who i love..... so that's fine by me. Just remember you are strong

Border line
by: Anonymous

Do not feel bad about you relationship with your brother. He is most likely suffering from borderline personality disorder. Once known as Narcisisim, it would explain why you feel he has "hated you since the day you were born"- he has. In his unhealthy mind you stole the attention of your parents away from him, in addition to being the only girl. I say this with compassion, I too have the same dynamic in my family.

My oldest brother has treated me badly for as long as I can remember. Doing and saying things that today would get him thrown in jail as a predator. I moved 3000 miles away to be safe from him. Now in my mid 50's he still spreads malicious gossip about me, threatens law suits against me, then calls the house drunk telling me he loves me! He even blames me for the fact my Dad took a restraining order against him.

I suggest you read Stop Walking On Eggshells to learn how to insulate yourself from his mental illness. Your life will be happier when you are able to disengage.

by: Anonymous

Ok, I have read these comments and I know how words can hurt I had them for over 60 years.

When my Mom died my brother told me he hates me and didn't want further contact with him. I agreed but I was so shocked.

My brother is six years older and my Mom favorite child even though I took care of her in the end.

I had 40 hours of verbal attack from her that I was stupid, not good looking and Joey was all that was perfect.

Well after I accepted she would never approve of me. I got my GED went to college, vocational school and passed with 4.0 average tops in my class.

I found me after 60 years, strong of will and with the only person that gives me hope, life and the will to fight on. Jesus Christ.

List your fault and correct them one at a time. You will be stronger and happier.

So confused
by: Anonymous

We used to fight a lot when we were younger but when we got older we got along very good. Ive always gotten comments that me and my brother seem to have a good relationship and ive always thought so too.
I tried to kill myself a few years ago and afterward ive herad that he said really nasty comments about me and that it was too bad i didnt die. I got really hurt but thought it might have been a midunderstanding or something and our relationship continued to be good.

Anyway, so my brother turned 25 today (im 23) and we threw him a party. He liked my gift and gave me a hug.
Later when he was drunk he literally told me that he doesnt like me. Never said why or anything, just simply, "i do not like you."
I am so confused, i thought everything was good. I guess everything ive heard him say about me were true. I feel really cheated and that i cant trust anyone. He really wanted me to die. right now i feel that no one really likes me, they just pretend like my brother did.

similar but not exactly the same
by: Anonymous

My brother and i are 4 years apart, he is older than me and we have 4 older siblings (3 girls, 1 boy). Im 16 now and he is 20 and he never talks to me. All he does is make a mess around the house for my parents to clean up, and doesn't do anything.

All through my childhood we had the whole older brother younger brother dynamic, but it all changed one day for no apparent reason at all. One day he was just mean to me and never said anything. He became hostile and wouldn't tell me Marry Christmas, Happy birthday, nothing. He doesn't talk to our older brother either, or our youngest sister (Who is older than our oldest brother). But our other 2 sisters he loves and talks to all the time everytime they visit and everything.

For some reason he doesn't talk to us at all is just cold and hostile. All he does is scream at me when i make too much noise talking to my friends and as a result i don't like to have friends over because he will make a scene and it will be awkward. I don't think i have had an actual conversation since i was 9 years old, and i'm 16 now, and we still live in the same house. All he does is cause trouble for my parents and I and my parents are getting older (56 and 65) so they can't be dealing with all this crap he creates. They don't speak up about anything to him either because they are afraid he will hate them and never visit or something when he moves out.

I want to love him but he makes it so hard no matter what i do to try and help him and be nice to him, nothing works. The other day he got extremely angry because of a tapping noise that went on for about 30 seconds. Literally screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason, he sounded like he was going to cry. I don't understand what happened. We used to be really good friends and play videogames together and stuff but then he put a stop to everything and is making it really tough for any of us (Other than my 2 oldest sisters, it doesn't seem to me that they realize whats going on because they live sort of far away now) to love him and i don't know what to do

My brother hates me too
by: Anonymous

I am 16, 17 in two months. my brother is 22 next week. We used to get on so well, I idolised him growing up. He's always been good at everything and has always been the 'golden child'. This never really bothered me because I thought so much of him. however growing up with him things have changed.

He hates me. Literally despises me and is always trying to manipulate me in front of people. He makes me feel so small and always makes out that I'm stupid. He hates me being around and everytime I talk he just looks at me with an evil glare or tells me to shut up.

I love my big brother, I always have and I have no idea of how or why things between us changed. I want a healthy relationship with him, more than anything. I want things to go back to how they used to be. I understand brothers and sisters do argue and have the occasional fight, but what we have is constant. We dont talk to each other because it always ends up in an argument.
I've confronted him about hating me on many occasions and have cried to him about it all. He just tells me to stop being a drama queen and walks away.

I just want my big brother back - my role model, but he hates my insides with a passion. :'(

Similar to you
by: Anonymous

Hello I have a problem very similar. I got choked up reading this. My brother is 17 and I am 15 so a 2 year age gap but he used to love us and talk to me and hang around with me and my two other brothers. He hates my oldest brother who is 18 and they never talk.

He is so disrespectful towards me, especially since I'm the only girl, he hates me so much and calls me fat and ugly and when I cry he laughs and when I ask him why he hates us he just laughs at me and he hits my head all the time. He doesn't care anymore how all the family feels. I don't know where he went wrong or what made him like this xxx

My brother by 10 years hates me
by: Anonymous

I am 70 now and my brother is going to be 80 tomorrow and he has done everything to hurt me and the whole family and he has told me that he "has hated me because he was king and then I came along, I knocked him off of his throne after 10 years" and being a girl; I got more attention and fussing over.

He still hates me and always will and our deceased parents to this day and there is nothing I can do to repair it and won`t try. He hates me because I was born; that is as simple as it can be and to the rest of you; it is hard to except and is not logical, but that is as all it is; jealousy and they have not grown out of it and never will. it is like I wrote all of your posts; I have all of the same problems that you do, exactly!!! I am an obsessive eater and he is a drunk. Just try to distance yourself from the hurt he tries to give you.

I'vegot same problem but in different way
by: Jenny

My brother ignores me a lot. We brother-sister were very good friends in our childhood days..but now .. he doesn't even say me hello in a day. And if I go into his room he yells on me "what you want?" And I use to answer "I want nothing, I just came to meet you." He replied "I don't have time" and shut the door.
grrrrrrr.... I hate his attitude, but I love him very much. becoz he is better than me in every in grades, sports, even he has good helpful friends better than mine. I dont know whats wrong in me. Today I'm 18 and he is 20. Please friends help me how to make my brother like me. our bro-sis relationship is not good enough :( :'(

My Brother
by: Katleen

My brother is 14 months older than me. and before he started kindergarten he was my best friend. But for 12 years he bullied me, called me fat, just was very hateful towards me.

Today we have absolutely no relationship. I haven't spoken to him in many years. I send him Christmas cards and birthday cards. My father would want me to do this. I have given this some amount of thought and I have done some research into birth order. And from all that I have read, it appears that the fourth child rejects the fifth child. I am the fifth, he is the fourth. I suspect that he has low insights into his life and doesn't think much about this.

My Brother Hates Me Too
by: Anonymous

I'm 14, my brother is 23 and he hates me too. He doesn't say hello to me either and the only time he communicates with me is to ask me where our parents are and if I have seen something that is his. When I don't answer him, he yells at me, saying, "Why the hell won't you answer me, bit**?" I hate him too but because he yells at me like I'm his dog and because my parents prefer him over me even though they do not admit it. What I would do is just ignore him back.

One day, your brother will need you and you will just want to say, "You hated me since I was born. You think I will just help you when you need me? No way. I am not your dog."

To the confused 15 going on 16year old girl
by: Sheelagh

When I was your age I was going through alot of emotional pain. as well as being bullied by my brother, I had the usual unsettled hormones that teenagers have. I was also isolated, because my Dad died when I was 15, and to a certain point,he was my only support. When he died my brother seized on this,to become 'the man of the house'.Only he wasnt,his bullying got worse. Maybe you should ask your brother out straight why he is doing this to you. Try and rise above it,and KNOW that it is NOT you. Amd talk to as many people outside the family as you can about it. Knowledge is Power. I really hope you can sort it out as it's really making you unhappy. You deserve to be happy and you will be.

by: Sheelagh

I am in my sixties, and I have the same story as all the other letters here. The common thing is that usually there is only a couple of years difference in age. I now know that my brother has a personality disorder, and it was not me.

I grew up to feel ashamed of myself, because my brother would beat me,threaten me,undermine me,and up to a couple of years ago, was trying to now make me feel ashamed of my introvertedness. I now feel proud of the person I am, and have cut not just him out of my life,but his wife and daughter, who also jumped onto the band wagon and verally abused me.

I have the power now,to shrink them into what they really are - pathetic people who in the end have pretty bad personality disorders. Thank god for the internet, and websites like this!

All of you should congratulate yourselves on what nice people you really are

Same and what I do
by: Anonymous

We had the same situation here, me and my brother haven't talk to each other in 6 years now. We were really close when we were young even in high school, but after he graduated from high school to uni, things just suddenly changed, he won't talk to me anymore, I still can't figure out why.

I'm 24 and he is 28. But he still pretend we have a very good relationship in front of our family during holidays as I'm his little sister, that makes me very happy to think our relationship finally back to the old times. But it's all illusions, he still won't talk to me if only two of us at home, even I tried to talk to him, he just walked away from me.

My family always think we have a very close relationship, he makes them believe we call each other often and share the mood, but actually I only hear his news from mom. I was so desperate to tell the truth, I'm afraid to hurt their feeling. All those years i was wondering why, but the truth is we barely seen each other every year except holidays since he went to uni, how can he hates me so much ?

I tried to communicate with him, but he keeps pushing me away which makes me very sad, we used to share everything. I tried to dig out problem from myself, it's confuse me so many years .. But now I finally accept the truth and try to live with it, I decided to leave him as far as possible, stop ask my mom how's my brother going. We still share the fake family reunion every year, but I just feel so good don't need to impress him any more, I accept the truth and am happy with it, I stop blaming him or myself, I show myself self respect not to try to talk to him, Don't take me wrong, i still love him, he is my brother, but I finally know no matter what I do, its just me, he won't change and I can't force him, it will takes 2 people's effort to make the things work, maybe sometimes in the future, when we both more mature.

abusive older brother who hates me for no apparent reson
by: Anonymous

My brother hates me to this very day and i don't know why.I did nothing but try to love him but he would just repay me with hatred!

When i was a young girl our parents would go outside and as soon as they left he would grab my arm and twist it behind my back until it felt broken. I don't know why. When our youngest brother was born i swore to myself that i wouldn't let my older brother hurt him like he did me so whenever he went after him i would catch his attention, and draw him away from our younger brother.

When i was in high school he wouldn't even notice me. There was this time when somebody asked if i was his sister he looked at me coldly and said to the boy "No i don't know who this kid is." then he turned around and kicked me out of the room. literally!

Another time was when one of his friends came over, when the boy saw me he asked my brother why i was there, my brother said i was a neighbor staying the night because my parents were on a vacation. i couldn't believe it so i walked up to him and said "No i'm your little sister." his eyes flashed, he stood up grabbed my arm, put it behind my back so far i was sure it was broken. He walked me out and hissed in my ear, "If you ever tell anyone that i'll make your life a living hell." then he walked back into the room with his friend

Now i don't have any friends because thanks to my older brother i cant trust anyone.
Now he's 17 almost 18 and i'm 15 almost 16 and he still wont talk to me. I don't know what i did wrong. if you did help me out will you because i'm still confused.

by: Anonymous

My brother was 5 years old when I was born. I had always wanted to be friends to my brother but he has always done bad stuff to me since I was 3. When I was 9,10,and 11 I had thoughts of suicide but overcame them.

My brother is still mean to me this day and I'm 26. When I was in 3rd,4th,5th,and sixth grade he punched, kicked called me gay and retard and things like that.

Abubusive brother
by: Anonymous

Sorry my English..
But it is normal my brother hate since I born?
He beat me most of the time. I am the youngest of five, childhood occur with normal problems of a black family. My brother drinks a lot my mother works a lot.
But me and my three older brother we do not have problems of communication, but with this brother (2 years difference) we are always fighting, and of course I am a girl is a boy I has always hurt. Severe hurt sometimes.
Now I am a grown up woman and with internet I am trying to trigger why this things happened?
Why a boy hates is youngest sister/brother so badly? until today 2013 we do not speak with each other.
Does psychology can explain it?
thank you

Two brother that hate me
by: Anonymous

I am the 4th of 5 children and my two older brothers hate me. My eldest brother who is 5 years older I totally idolised as a kid, despite his bullying and teasing. He now earns huge money, not the way were brought up, has. Porsche, huge house, maid etc. he has worked very hard and deserves everything he has, however he thinks I'm a tinker.
He think because my husband and I earn very little and our three kids don't wear brand new designer clothes that we are a lower class.

My other older bother who is only 11 months older has not spoken to me or 3 years, he has always hated me and his wife has made it worse. There was a time when we were young adults that we could tolerate each other but since he met his wife he won't have anything to do with me.

I have been trying to be grateful for the sister and brother that I do have a good relationship with but just this week a good friends younger brother, only 29, dropped dead of a brain tumor and it struck me, how would I cope if one of my brothers died now while we aren't speaking. I don't think I could live with that. But every time I try to solve the situation, it gets worse.
What do I do?

To Kaylea
by: Laura


Today I am 28 years old. The way my older brother (he is 4 years older) treated me when I was a kid still affects me to this day. Just like you, my older brother called me fat and ugly, too. We went to the same middle school, where he got is friends to make fun of me, too! And as a kid, I completely believed the horrible things he said to me! I suffered from horrible self esteem issues growing up, all because my brother told me over and over that was ugly, and never once said he loved me.

While getting my degree in Nursing, I learned all about Conduct Disorder. Conduct disorder primarily affects boys and is characterized by a lack of remorse or empathy for others, and especially cruelty to younger siblings. Both our brothers have this disease, which falls under a Personality Disorder. Your brother is not capable of feeling anything for you as hard as this is to comprehend.

Please, Please Please seek therapy. It is only through therapy that I began to heal and allow myself to love unconditionally. I am still mad at my parents today for not getting him away from me when I was younger, but at least in therapy I can understand the root of my anger and depression. Therapy can do this for you, too . The best, Laura

My brother hates me 2
by: Trinity

I am 11 and he is 16 and he is so rude and he does not like me at all for example today I was telling a joke because I was bored and my brother said" shut up lier what are talking about your only talking because you want attention because you know no one likes you " and it makes me think what did I do to provoke him to make him hate me and sometimes I go to my room and cry because I think there is something wrong with me and that if I change then maybe people will like me more.i was pouring some milk for my cereal and he just snaps and goes of telling me I don't need that much because I am a wasteful person and I tell him to calm down because its not that serious and he pushes me against the door and I hit my back on the knob now I have a bruise and also yesterday I was watching tv in the family room and he says get out and I tell him you don't control me and he snaps again he tells me that ain't nobody scared of you punk so you need get yo a** out of me face.but anyway I hope it gets better and I wish you the best


Dont know why..??
by: Anonymous

my brother and i were very close he is 2years younger to me now we ar 26 and 24 years old. we usally share anything and everything but now he just hurt me for no reason i dnt know why? when ever i call he will say he is busy and hang up but if i call again he will be in call waiting talking to someone,when i message he wont reply,when i chat he will chat with someone else and wont turn up but will reply rarely,i had asked him why he is doing so but he just gave a vague reply saying now he is like this.....i am out of control now what to do now ? can anyone help me

me too
by: Anonymous

i actually just had a fight with my brother.13 and he's 15 and he just makes me want to run away or shoot myself sometimes. he always calls me fat and says i throw my weight around, he goes in my room because he knows i hate it, and he takes my stuff. today i finally just cracked and he told my i have problems and that i need to see a therapist or a psychiatrist, but i still love him no matter what, even though it seems he hates me, i hope it gets better for me and you both:(

Regarding Your Brother
by: Anonymous

I had a similar problem as you with my middle
brother. He was always mean and cruel to me
when he was in 6th grade and I was in the 9th.
This started in 1968. About 14 years ago what I did was not speak to him on the phone, nor be
anywhere he was. This went on for 4 years. I
would sneak out the back way if I saw him coming
inside a place I was. One day, a relative told me
my brother wanted to see me. I went over to his
house and he was nice to me, and then I moved out
of town for other reasons. He was nice to me
until about a year ago when I let him get paid to
do some work on my house. We're back to where
we originally started. The reason for my comments are to say you can't fix a relationship
that's never been right. Good luck to you.

maybe you could have a conversation...
by: 9gagger!!!

My brother hates me too, but I think maybe hes just jealous or just wants to bully me, here's what I think you should do, when he insults you, ignore him don't pay attention at all, if you can continue with it maybe he'll crack. When you're all alone or have a chance to meet him in a place ask him why, all those years you and him live together why didn't he show any respect!? Then go on with your conversation (You might want to hold your emotions), if he ever EVER laughs or ignores you, stare at him and say I'm serious don't you try to laugh/ignore me because this must be the only chance to start up with him if you don't have a chance try to do it, do it some other time...

Good luck!

by: Anonny-mouse

Cut your brother out of your life for now and focus on only on your own. Take care of yourself first, both mentally and physically. Develop your own interests and hobbies, separate from your brother.

Focus on making yourself the best you can possibly be; join clubs at school, student organizations, volunteer groups, or whatever you can to take up your free time so that, that is what you are paying attention too.

Take an art class, or a photography class or even dance or yoga or SOMETHING that sounds interesting and cool to you. The more of your free time you spend doing something you enjoy, the less you will focus on your brother.

I agree with what others have said that it sounds as if perhaps your brother was jealous because you were the only girl and probably got attention because of that.

Don't think about your brother and what he does with his life; prove to him and everyone else that you don't need him or his approval to be successful. If you have to see him at family functions, be civil and keep the conversation to the bare minimum.

Talk about your accomplishments, and ask people about what they've been doing and what they're up too. Show everyone that your brother is wrong about you and it will make him look like the selfish, self-absorbed bully he appears to be. If he says anything to you that reminds you of back when you were kids (bullying or teasing), tell him to grow up. If you are attending college, contact your counselor and talk to them about how your feeling and what to do.

Most of all, if you spend as much energy devoted to improving yourself as you did to stressing and worrying about your relationship with your brother, you won't have anything to worry about. When he's ready to grow up and act like an adult then you can have a mature conversation with him. But it appears to me that he is only successful on the surface, and that there are other things going on he hasn't dealt with yet.

Good luck!

My older brother hates me.
by: Anonymous

There is truth in the old saying, the devil gives you your relatives, thank God you can choose your friends.
Just because you are related to someone it does not mean that you get on with them and you are not the only person with that problem. It sounds to me as though there has been some jealousy, you were the only girl, maybe your brother felt at some stage that you got the attention, he did not and that is common.
It is a case of bullying, can your parents show some light on that? They can make it quite plain to him that when you have to meet at family gatherings that he has to be civil to you.
Maybe it is a situation that you have to accept and you do not have to accept what he has done and said about you, you can prove him wrong.
All you can do, is to stay away from him and get on with your life, you have friends, they are the ones who will support and give you the warmth and love he is incapable of giving you.
You are a person in your own right, and you do not have to accept any responsibility for his attitude towards you.
In life you are amongst friends and enemies and unfortunately the worst enemies are those in your own family.

by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. It seems to me that no matter what you do you aren't going to please your brother. Why put yourself through pain each time you see him? I would suggest that you don't go out of your way to be with him, but don't cut him out of your life. When your paths cross be polite if he speaks to you but don't go out of the way to chat with him.

I think you can love someone but not like them, and as sad as it is, for some deep rooted reason, your brother doesn't like you. Accept this, put it behind you and move on, knowing that you are not as he thinks, but that you are a likable and worthwhile person who is not the way he sees you.

There is an old saying 'You can choose your friends but not your family' choose to be with people who love and want the best for you.

Good luck,

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