my life..

by RBlilone
(new jersey)

Well ever since I was little my father has been in and out of jail. When he was home he was on drugs and he always wanted a son and I'm the middle child so he basically raised me as a boy.

He always used to tell me that I was ugly and fat and stupid, not worth life. When I was around 12, after I got my period I started wearing guy clothes and baggy things and I was anorexic at one point. Then I had my first boyfriend, then after almost 2 years I broke up with him because he wasn't giving me the attention I thought I deserved.

Not too long after I started going out with my current ex.. he abused me, raped me and was so over-barring I felt even worse about myself. But now I'm 20 and I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and 3 months and he changed me so much and I love him and we are even talking about marriage. But then it always comes to the fact that I have no self esteem at all. I moved in with him and now I have no friends where I am now all I have is him and that's okay, he is my best friend!! He also has a lot of chick friends and I HATE being jealous but lately I can't handle it and I don't know what to do.

I've always been quiet and never really have anything to say. And ever since my ex I've been scared to tell him how I feel he always kinda flips on me and so I just brush EVERYTHING off my shoulder. Anyway I feel as if every girl is way more pretty, smarter and way more worth his time and I don't know how to feel anymore. Every year around the holidays I get majorly depressed, cry for no reason and all that 'good stuff'. And he won't listen to me, nor my mom and I don't talk to my father even though him and my mom are still together and live in the same house. I barely visit because of him. So I really have nobody to just talk to or listen.

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My life
by: Anonymous

You have had a pretty tough time but you still have some life that is worth living ahead of you. You need help and support from people who have been there and done that to help you move on. You are depending on your partner a lot and he has been one person who has been kind to you. However both you and he have a lot to work through and you both deserve some happiness.
There is rape crisis and also counselling services which can help and sustain you. Think of any family members who did show concern about you when you were a child and contact them. Even if your mother and father lost contact with them, it might pay to see if they would be there for you.

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