My confidence has diminished since i have been with my boyfriend

(Farmington Hills, Michigan, United States)

I'm 24 years old and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is my first everything, he is my first boyfriend and about 1 year and a half ago I lost my virginity to him. Our relationship has never been perfect.

Lately he has been so blunt about me being over weight.... it really hurts my feelings, he says things like you are fat, you need to slim down, I'm not attracted to you anymore and so on. We break up and get back together all the time. Sometimes he could really be mean and say hurtful things to me. At times he apologises but not all the time... I don't know what to do, I want to get in shape but it's hard when you have someone being negative to you, its gotten to the point that when I'm upset I turn to food. I'm 5'7 and I am 170 pounds. I know I should get back in shape but it's just really hard, I feel like if he really does love me he should be patient with me and help me not upset me. We constantly fight about stupid things and I feel that he starts arguments on purpose to break up with me. Today we had a really huge fight and he told me that its over because I'm "fat" and that I should move on. I was sooo hurt and surprised that he said this to me, I told him that it's fine and that I don't want someone like him anyway .... I need all the advice I could get, I need to stay away from him and really build my self confidence... I have always been a strong person but lately I have just been really down because of all of this. Any advice that you guys could give me is much appreciated. I really need to move on but it just feels like I'm all alone now... I don't want to talk to friends or family about this issue because I feel that they will judge me on why I was in a relationship with him for so long.

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Be strong
by: Anonymous

Be brave be strong in time your confidence will grow, mine is slowly growing in it pace too, but I have a different problem. I'm sticking out for you

by: Anonymous

Thanks for the advice, I have been feeling much better... I know its his loss and not mine. I'm too good for him. And I made a promise to myself that I would never take him back.

Confidence has diminished.
by: Anonymous

I think it is time that you moved on, it seems that the relationship is over, you do not need to stay with someone who values you so little. You put a lot into this, perhaps too much and you have lost something of yourself.
Counselling may help you somewhat and there will be friends and perhaps family who can help you sort out your life and get over this unhappiness. It will take time, take a look at yourself and your clothes and hairdo and get advice once you feel better about yourself with some changes, you will go ahead You need to remind yourself that you are unique, that you have talents and that you are attractive. Maybe you will find someone else who will love you for yourself but take your time.

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