My boyfriend went on Vacation without me during Christmas

My boyfriend is a doctor. We hardly see each other because he is always on call and when he isn't (well, he always is) he works quite a bit. I usually see him two weekends a month and we talk every night on the phone.

I have been in a committed relationship with him for almost two years now. He has what I would identify as unusual habits that are driving me crazy. He will go to a medical conference somewhere and not want to tell me where he is going, what hotel he is staying at, etc etc.

He is currently looking for another job and will not tell me where he is interviewing. He says he does not want me to influence his decision. He says that this has happened in the past with other girlfriends and it ruined the relationship. When I ask for details, I get stonewalled.

He is very tight-lipped about his past, about his problems etc. Getting information out of him about anything important is a waste of time. And the more questions I ask, the more irritated he becomes which of course, turns into arguments.

Oh, and a very important piece of information is that he takes care of his mother - lives with her. She is something else. She has always hated his girlfriends and, currently, I am no exception.

So, that is the background for the most part. Here is my current dilemma. For the past month, I have been asking him what his Christmas plans were because I wanted to plan to spend time with him. Since he has also been looking for another position at another hospital, I have been trying to figure out which hospital or at least, which state. I mean these are things I have to know ahead of time, if I move with him. I can't just put it all together at the last minute. And I refuse to quit my job - being totally dependent on this guy would never happen. He is a control freak, to say the least.

Mind you, he has positive traits that are plentiful but at the moment it is really hard for me to remember them. So, he has refused to discuss his plans with me for Christmas. We have argued about it. He said he may have to take a business trip during Christmas which did not make ANY sense. No one does business over Christmas. He hung up me several times last week because I would not stop asking the question and I guess he was tired of listening to me ask them.

Last Friday he called me and said he had the entire week prior to Christmas off. Of course this was entirely too late for me to ask off from work, so I would not have been able to go anywhere with him. I do believe he planned that part. He still would not tell me where he was going, still continuing to insinuate he may be leaving on business. I invited him to come over but he said because we have been arguing so much lately, he didn't think it would be a good idea.

So yesterday he calls and tells me he is skiing in Colorado. Apparently he went on vacation with his mother. And I am devastated. I hardly see him anyway, but that is not the point. He caused all our arguments by not telling me anything and then used that excuse to leave me behind. He sent me a text last night when I asked him to come back several times - (possibly pathetic behavior but I am not in the best emotional state right now). The text read, I have mountains, sun, snow, skiing, pretty girls and my mother and you want me to come back just to be with you?

IN his defense, he is sarcastic but I dont know anymore. Right now, he seems like he is being cruel beyond belief. I don't know what to do. He always says he loves me at the end of our conversations. Even the horrible texts messages were ended with a "you know how much I love you".

I feel as if I am losing my mind, or even more importantly, my perspective. How could a man, a doctor, someone supposed to care for others be so manipulative and cold and insensitive. He makes fun of me when I cry or when I get mad at him - mimicking me. He does have a very warm side, but when he is cruel, he is ruthless.

I'm not stupid but I am confused. Advice from others would be appreciated. Sometimes a perfect stranger can help you gain a little perspective.

Comments for My boyfriend went on Vacation without me during Christmas

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Sounds super familiar
by: Anonymous

I almost married a doctor who broke up with me in a very similar way... got really dodgy and stopped talking to me, but I guess told his friends that he broke up with me. Anyway, kick him to the curb. I never got a good vibe from his mother either and she was the one who told him I was "too different" to marry him, which my friends noted was a very thinly veiled racist jab. Do yourself a favor: get out, move on with your life and avoid a bunch of drama. His mom will never be happy with you, he'll continue to be a jerk, and don't image having a family with someone who has such poor communication skills.

And if he practices in northern Minnesota and grew up in Illinois, I can almost assure you that it's the same guy. Too many similarities to be a coincidence...

Boyfriend went on vacation during Christmas without you
by: Ms. Nancy

I read the title and did not read the rest. Its a no brainer. Not saying you don't have brains. Your boyfriend went without you because he is not your boyfriend any more. He is now someone else's boyfriend. Either he didn't have the balls to tell you that he was done and wanted to be with one new or simply wanted to be alone or both.

Do something for yourself.
by: Anonymous

You need to be the bigger person and walk away. I know how hard that is, but he is not going to change if you continue to tolerate this behavior. Be strong, stay busy, and do something for yourself. Allowing another person to have such control over you is scary. Especially when they seem to care so little. Actions speak louder than words and even though he ends his conversations with I love you, he really is not showing you he means it. I would distance yourself and let him realize what he has done.
All the best!

Boyfriend went on vacation without me during Christmas
by: Anonymous

Good heavens, kiss him goodbye he is not worth another thought, he is a selfish individual A person who hides behind other people is not worth a thought at any time.
The contact you had with him is minimal and I know that his profession is demanding and that he cannot always walk out and know that he will not be called back in an emergency. However you have been there for him on call and he is using you. His mother sounds like the proverbial future mother in law from hell, she would be best avoided at all costs.
There are plenty of other fish in the sea and there are many other nice and decent men out there who would not treat you like this. You also need to look at how you feel about yourself and invest in some self worth. If you tend to feel that you are inferior, you may attract this type of person that you do not need, you are worth more than that.

Set yourself free!
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. I am sad for you but yes I do think the best thing to do would be to move ahead with your life and leave this guy behind. All human beings will have good and bad qualities but all of us girls deserve a balanced partner and this guy is just leading you on. He's a jerk and you're right, he is cruel!

You've already answered your own questions and you're not losing your perception. You deserve to be with someone who really loves you and not some guy who is going to take your sincere feelings and abuse them. You matter and you deserve a peaceful life filled with joy. Stay away from that doctor guy! He's toxic to you. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Boyrfriend problem
by: Kay

Oh my goodness, the more I read of your message the more disbelieving I felt. He is playing mind games with you big time. A relationship is sharing, and the biggest part of sharing is about communicating and wanting to be with the person you love.

You deserve better than this. You are giving your power away to this man by accepting what he says and basically just living your life round his whims. Take back your power, make your own plans and if he doesn't want to share them with you, so be it, find someone who loves you, isn't tied to his mother's apron strings, and above all someone who loves and wants to be with you and moves heaven and earth to snatch whatever time he can to share your life.

I understand doctors work very long hours, but what concerns me is that he is so uncommunicative with you and this isn't normal, and I wonder what his agenda is.

I hope you come to realise that you are special and that there is someone out there who will want to share his life with you 24/7.

I wish all the best for the future.

Take care,


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