My boyfriend went on Vacation without me during Christmas
My boyfriend is a doctor. We hardly see each other because he is always on call and when he isn't (well, he always is) he works quite a bit. I usually see him two weekends a month and we talk every night on the phone.
I have been in a committed relationship with him for almost two years now. He has what I would identify as unusual habits that are driving me crazy. He will go to a medical conference somewhere and not want to tell me where he is going, what hotel he is staying at, etc etc.
He is currently looking for another job and will not tell me where he is interviewing. He says he does not want me to influence his decision. He says that this has happened in the past with other girlfriends and it ruined the relationship. When I ask for details, I get stonewalled.
He is very tight-lipped about his past, about his problems etc. Getting information out of him about anything important is a waste of time. And the more questions I ask, the more irritated he becomes which of course, turns into arguments.
Oh, and a very important piece of information is that he takes care of his mother - lives with her. She is something else. She has always hated his girlfriends and, currently, I am no exception.
So, that is the background for the most part. Here is my current dilemma. For the past month, I have been asking him what his Christmas plans were because I wanted to plan to spend time with him. Since he has also been looking for another position at another hospital, I have been trying to figure out which hospital or at least, which state. I mean these are things I have to know ahead of time, if I move with him. I can't just put it all together at the last minute. And I refuse to quit my job - being totally dependent on this guy would never happen. He is a control freak, to say the least.
Mind you, he has positive traits that are plentiful but at the moment it is really hard for me to remember them. So, he has refused to discuss his plans with me for Christmas. We have argued about it. He said he may have to take a business trip during Christmas which did not make ANY sense. No one does business over Christmas. He hung up me several times last week because I would not stop asking the question and I guess he was tired of listening to me ask them.
Last Friday he called me and said he had the entire week prior to Christmas off. Of course this was entirely too late for me to ask off from work, so I would not have been able to go anywhere with him. I do believe he planned that part. He still would not tell me where he was going, still continuing to insinuate he may be leaving on business. I invited him to come over but he said because we have been arguing so much lately, he didn't think it would be a good idea.
So yesterday he calls and tells me he is skiing in Colorado. Apparently he went on vacation with his mother. And I am devastated. I hardly see him anyway, but that is not the point. He caused all our arguments by not telling me anything and then used that excuse to leave me behind. He sent me a text last night when I asked him to come back several times - (possibly pathetic behavior but I am not in the best emotional state right now). The text read, I have mountains, sun, snow, skiing, pretty girls and my mother and you want me to come back just to be with you?
IN his defense, he is sarcastic but I dont know anymore. Right now, he seems like he is being cruel beyond belief. I don't know what to do. He always says he loves me at the end of our conversations. Even the horrible texts messages were ended with a "you know how much I love you".
I feel as if I am losing my mind, or even more importantly, my perspective. How could a man, a doctor, someone supposed to care for others be so manipulative and cold and insensitive. He makes fun of me when I cry or when I get mad at him - mimicking me. He does have a very warm side, but when he is cruel, he is ruthless.
I'm not stupid but I am confused. Advice from others would be appreciated. Sometimes a perfect stranger can help you gain a little perspective.