Marriage and being dark-skinned

I am a 26 year old Indian woman and most people may know how Indians are obsessed with fairer skin.

The thing is I am not ready for marriage but my parents want me to settle down, Indians have this belief that once a girl hits the age of 18 their parents start looking for a potential life partner for them.

They think that 26 is too old for an Indian girl to get married but I don't. What it is, Indian guys in our culture are in a hurry to get married, and they say that if a girl leaves it too late she may not find a good life partner.

I have to admit my parents are traditional and very old school but they don't understand that this is the 20th century times are changing and people marry who and when they want to.

Indians have this whole status thing going on that if you marry out of your cast people talk and so on.....

Last year I went to India to to meet some guys for marriage purposes I met a few but nothing really clicked with any of them because despite being Indian and brought up in the west I have traditional Indian views as well as western views and I did not really click with the guys from India.

So we came back home empty handed and now my family from mum's side think that guys did not choose me because I have dark skin. I don't know why they think this I am not exactly dark skinned I am more dusky and I look alright but Indian guys are shallow they don't look in the mirror some of them are really ugly but they want someone that is out of their reach.

Because of this dark skin issue I have started to get low self esteem and lack of confidence because of what people think and I don't know what to do. Any help?

Comments for Marriage and being dark-skinned

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Response to "I'm Dark Skinned", by Meka
by: Anonymous

What Meka said about African Americans might have been true about forty years ago. Blacks in America used to be obsessed with fair skin and being fair-skinned until the tumultuous Black Pride movement of the late 1950s to early 1970s. Indeed, the James Brown song, "Say it loud, I'm Black and Proud" became the anthem for a new generation of African Americans who enthustiastically embraced being Black. Obsession with fair skin in the African American community is nowhere near as common as among Indians. Not by a long shot.

Meka, you wrote that African American men were never interested in you. Let me explain why. Most Black men, myself included, are very hesitant to approach Indian women, because we think we DO NOT stand a chance with them. We find them to be an exceedingly clannish people who by and large stick to their own community. Even if an Indian girl falls in love with you, a Black guy and wants to marry you, her family will likely be adamantly opposed to such a union, because the Black guy is an outsider. And Indians are VERY unwelcoming of outsiders. If the girl loves you enough to defy her family, she might get disowned by her family and get outcasted by her community. Those are the type of things that keep us away from Indian women. Besides, to most Af-Ams, an Indian is just an Indian. We do not share your obsession with skin color!!

I am just normal.
by: Anonymous

Well I too have pages from my diary to share. Rejections, being underprivilaged, not sociable, not compatable, not comfortable a company to go for a coffee, not worthy being a stage performer, and yes most important ill- fated, so many and so forth.
But I am not diseased to get prescriptions from no one but all to act upon/do something about it.

But why do they bother?

dark skin
by: Anonymous

Hi I came across this post while surfing the net.

I am going through same situation that every guy wants just a fair skin girl, I respect their opinions but only fairness matters nothing apart from that matters to them. They don't even know how ugly they are but they need fair girl. I feel like hell when they say she is looking good but dark so rejected.

Today's society is if we marry a dark skin girl its the most shameful thing to do and the people around me talks as if I was dark so I don't deserve the best, if so to get best match I should become fair.

I like me. I can say I am beautiful but some where society makes feel like the hell. Why was I born like this .

Being Dark skinned in India!
by: Anonymous

Well, I am a guy..Indian...I am going through the same situation as well...India is the most racist country....Dear friends we all are handsome and beautiful..pls don't let anyone let you strong.... GET UP BUT DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!

Don't worry....God Loves Us
by: Anonymous

Dear All,

I was so touched by all the comments. I'm 31 and still single. I come from an Indian Christian Family background. I was born and raised in Malaysia. I'm dark and even at the very small age I use to cry why I'm so dark and people are teasing me. Even my own mother used to tease and sometimes curse me for being dark. She used to call me 'Blackie'. She used to compare with all the beautiful girls. It really hurts. I lost my self-esteem and confidence. I will never forget one incident in my life, 'My mom cursed me that no guys will marry me because I'm so dark'.

I faced tough time at school and college. Life was very challenging. I study hard and keep on telling to myself that only through education, I can succeed in my life. I studied hard and managed to be in a good position now. Then again, I still feel I am lacking something.

The first impression is beauty. Dark skinned people are rejected. I always ask God why only Indians and Africans have dark skin ... Especially, in the indian community, dark skinned girls are minority groups. When it comes to match make, indian guys and the family will find for a fair girl. It doesnt really matter if the girl is not highly educated. As long as she has a fair skin..DISCRIMINATION........

Then I realized, why am I being foolish. No one is perfect in this world. It doesn't mean that if they are fair means, they are great.. One day, they are also going to grow old and lose their beauty. Girls, Inner beauty and self confidence is worth more.

Divorce cases are alarming in Malaysia. One can get married with a fair skin girl but if the marriage doesn't last long, what's the point. Man may fail us but God will not fail us. He loves us so much. Let's be thankful to God. He has blessed us with good health and created us physically well.

Be positive and live your life happily. Don't waste your time thinking of all the people who are narrow minded and like to look down on people. Let's forgive them. Dear Sisters, I pray that God will give you courage to be positive and lead your life happily. Last but not least, I'm proud to be an Indian. Though we are dark, God has blessed us with attractive features. For all the single girls, God will bless you with a good and sincere husband.

Love you all...

Take Care..

God, give me fair skin in next life
by: Anonymous

I am Indian , I am 30 , I am single and I am darkskinned. Going through the same thing as you. i am highly educated earning handsomely , i was content and happy with myself till my parents started looking for a match for me. No 1 even wants to meet or talk to me, am rejected at first sight (ohh she is dark).

I am getting pressure from my mom to do something to lighten my skin so that i can get a boy. my fair skinned younger sister is tired of waiting for my wedding and has already planned hers (she has a bf)and am getting blamed for delaying her marriage.

my single elder brother looks at girls pics and just outright rejects them (coz they r nt fair / good looking) i see myself in every girl he rejects. i feel whatever i ve achieved in life is a waste coz the most imp thing in life is to get married to a boy and for that you must have a milky white skin which i dont have . I have lost my self confidence. I have even started hating myself for being dark.

black is beautiful
by: Anonymous

I have found dark skinned Indian women are very attractive in many ways.

I am from Somalia and I always wonder if there is connection between two people.

Hi Anu
by: Anonymous

To Anu and the owner of this post..
While I do agree that most Indians are obsessed with white or fair skin, there are always people who couldn't care less about skin color - Me being one of them :-)
I am more interested in a person's attitude towards themselves and others. Dark skinned is perfectly fine.

BTW, I am a simple straight forward guy with a good sense of humor and a person who values good health in Body Mind and Soul.

dark skin
by: Anonymous

I think that dark skin is a fact but not much. There is the problem with the ugly minded person those who are without mind. Everybody loves beauty, but inner beauty is greater than external beauty. LOVE has color its a evergreen. I am also dark skinned, yet I want to prove myself with my talent, honesty and hard work.

Good luck & all the best

Thank you
by: Saarah

Love all these positive messages, my own parents dont like me because I'm dark, but I've learned to live with my dark skin, not just India Bangladeshi people obsessed with skin colour as well. I know its cliche but it really is whats on the inside that counts, as a medical student i dissect cadavers every week and i never once think when i meet a patient or dissect a cadaver about the skin colour but always about the what the person was like or how they're feeling.

Unfortunately even people who are educated and claim to be open minded discriminate against darker skinned people, a mentality brought on by the imperialists.

Remember life is too short, stay true to yourself, people have come and gone and we remember people by their characters and not skin colour ie Mother Theresa, Malcolm x, keep up the support and love guys, xxx

by: Anonymous

Hi, my parents are of Indian descent from Guyana and I married a Guyanese man. On my husbands side some are dark but both he and I are not.

My daughter who is eleven is dark and BEAUTIFUL. Since she was a baby, people BOLDLY pointed out how dark she was and telling me that don't worry she will get lighter! Never in my life have I been so shocked that people would say that. I never noticed things like that in all my life. My response was always.... what is wrong with her skin tone?..... I don't have a problem with it. And then as she got older, people would say it in front of her in which I sent her out of earshot and really put that person in their place.

Once, a women at a newspaper stand told me that I should bathe her with milk! She came right up to me and whispered it to me. I was so livid, I turned to her and politely said that I am disgusted at her comment but not angry cause it's not her fault that she has that mentality. Ugh!

Dusky skin
by: anu

Am going through the same issue as you are. My marriage is getting delayed because i'm on the dusky side. And I'm really sick of Indian guys who claim to be educated and progressed but deep down they are so shallow .My Boyfriend didnt marry me because his mom wanted a pale skinned girl.That really shook me.

I dont think anything is wrong with me. I have good features,am an MBA, working for a leading bank . But this idiotic skin colour issue haunts me day and nite. I wish I wasn't born in India at all. The most racist country in the world.

be positive
by: Anonymous

I agree Indians are so damn obsessed with fair skin.
Even in my family I have this cousin who is very fair with blunt facial features. All my family members keep telling that she is so beautiful just because she is fair. I am a dark skinned Indian and am totally proud of it.

Don't get upset if people reject your proposal just because you don't have a fair skin. You don't need a narrow minded husband or in-laws.
Be positive and you will find a perfect match for yourself.

by: Anonymous

I'm a 20 year old girl doing my engineering degree.. this site has really boosted up my spirit..
caz I'm dusky in complexion.. people tell that I look good.. but I feel that only fair complexion will attract people and get respect.. this site has boosted up my spirit..
Thanks to its creators.

Hats off to commenters!
by: Anonymous

How I wish there was some like button here! I love some of the comments more than the post itself!

Im dark skinned
by: Meka

Believe it or not. Being dark skin in the African American Community is HARSH as well. Black men have never been interested in me. I'm pretty sure you are no where near as dark as me. I am very dark and my family is mostly made from LIGHT to fair skin. I don't know how, what and why I became so dark from my other family members.

Indian beauty comes in all shades
by: James

I'm American from Irish & Scottish decent born & raised in Dallas Tx. Normally people think women from their culture are the prettiest, but to me no other race of women compare to the women of India.

Indian women are the most charming & beautiful there are. And I actually think the darker skinned one are more attractive than the lighter.
Please don't let things like your skin tone effect your self esteem. beauty comes in all colors. It's my dream to date an India girl and her skin tone will not be an issue. I envy the man who spends his life with you & I promise you're beautiful just the way you are.

Light skin
by: Anonymous

I'm not Indiand and I never knew that Indians look for white skin. I have white skin and I hate it because I look different from my own people who are dark and I feel so weak.

I wish I had dark skin so I could blend in and get along. Dark Indians look so attractive to me (I have a cousin that looks Indian and he's dark. He looks way better than I do.) And they're not ugly.

If you can't get along with your own people, then go marry someone outside your culture. You'll realize that people outside of your culture will treasure you more than your own because your own people will take you for granted. They will like you because you have something they don't.

I married outside my country because everyone in my country was snobbing me off. I also went to my country to find someone to marry and they were all shallow, just like you said. I hated all of them.

It was like, out of the whole country of millions of people, no one liked me. I said, "forget all of you! I don't want to waste my time with any of you anymore!" Then, I married someone outside my ethnicity and now I'm happy because they treat me more like their own than my own people and they are more sincere about it too, unlike my people who are so superficial.

I don't even talk to my own people any more and it's good because they don't care about me anyway. They have millions of other people they have to worry about, so good riddance.

I'd rather risk my life for people that care about me, rather than ones who only care about what I look like.

After this, I stopped judging whether people were from my country or not or what they looked like and judging them by how I feel in my heart when I'm around them.

Dark Skin
by: Anonymous

Put that "fair and lovely" crap in the dumpster, I especially love that dark skin that Indian girls have.

by: Anonymous

It doesn't matter your skin color, ask a person who is truly in love like my parents. They didn't even notice their skin color. All they saw was a man and woman. And one is dark-skinned and the other is almost pale.

Marriage and being dark skinned.
by: Anonymous

We are all God's children regardless of our race creed, culture and colour. When you see a book, you have to open it and read it before you pass judgement.

When you meet someone it is not their appearance, it is themselves as a person, that matters, and how they come across to you.

I have a friend who bases her judgement on outward appearance and what that person has in worldly goods.
I said to her that beauty does not necessarily mean that person would be desirable as a marriage partner, they might need other attributes as well. If they were only to be interested in what another person could offer them rather than what they could give out to other people then they might as well be puppets.

Someone who is so called plain might when you got to know them be very capable at their work, outgoing and interested in other people, and be attractive in their own right.

The so called beautiful person may have been doted on as a child and never had to make an effort to impress other people and then taken it for granted that they did not have to give anything out in interest, kindness, compassion and love.

When you look at someone and start speaking to them for the first time, it does not take long unless they play act to see the spirit that shines from behind their eyes.

One day you may meet the person who is going to play a large part in your life and when you do, you will know that you are right for one another.

problem with low self esteem
by: Kay


Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

It must be difficult for you having having a background culture different from the western world.

Of course, you realize that 26 is not too old to get married and that there is plenty of time for you to meet a man that you wish to marry.

Try to stay proud with how you are and not let the negative comments that are spoken to you affect you. I know this is not going to be easy because it is very demoralizing to have people giving their opinion as to why you are not married yet.

That's all it is, their opinion. Don't make it your opinion. Know in your heart that the only reason is you have not met that someone special, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the colour of your skin.

Try not to react negatively to what is being said, (not easy, I know) and whenever you hear something said to you that you are not happy with, instantly tell yourself something good about yourself.

For instance, if someone says your skin is too dark, dismiss this and tell yourself "But I have beautiful eyes and a lovely smile" and feel good about yourself. Or perhaps, "I am good company, and very special." Let yourself know as often as you can that you are special, and don't let negative comments from those around you affect how you see yourself.

Don't believe what they say, keep up with positive self talk. this will raise your self esteem, stay strong and believe in yourself.

Good luck

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