Low self-confidence leads to stupid mistakes.
Lately, I have noticed that my low self-confidence is affecting my life more and more.
I graduated from college with a science degree and have been searching for months now for a position. I feel as though I am worthless and have no skills to move me forward. I understand that the economic situation is bad, but still blame myself for not being able to find the right position.
Recently, I decided to volunteer at a laboratory. My nerves got the best of me and I am at the point where I subconsciously think over every step I make. As a result, I end up making really dumb mistakes or asking my supervisor questions that any child should be able to answer. I think I stressed myself out to the point where I am just expecting a mistake to come out. Consequently, I feel like I am not as intelligent and people would question my abilities. At this point, I cannot help myself because after I say or do something stupid, it will stay in my mind for days and I would worry more and more what others will think of me after all of what had happened.
I guess I have no self confidence and no self esteem anymore. Throughout most of my life, especially college years, no one praised me for my achievements but only pushed me forward to do better. That is where my mentality comes from and I feel like everything I accomplish is not enough and should be perfected. Lack of sleep, stress, and work I am tired and sick of own self.