Low Self Esteem
I have always had periods of what I call funk in my life. I will just highlight my childhood. Molested from 4-7, my mom was a drug addict, arrested when I was 10. Raped at 16 and I didn't tell anyone so I ended up pregnant and had an abortion. I had counseling, but there were obviously some issues that have carried over.
I have a wonderful husband. He is a little insecure, but he is always telling me I am beautiful and wonderful and he adores me. Recently like within the past year I have been feeling like I have really low self esteem. And it is weird because I have had many blessings this year.
I never had a mom, and recently a nice woman came into my life who has opened up her family to me and kind of filled a void for me. I also recently started attending a church that I really like - this woman also goes there. I feel like I don't deserve any of this.
Also, for some reason, I don't want to be married anymore. Like I said, my husband is a good guy so I am not sure why I feel like this. Also, I feel like the only time I feel calm is when there is some crisis in my life. Maybe because people give me attention when there is a crisis? I am not sure.
I am very easy going, but sometimes, I feel like I create situations that make for crisis because that is where I feel comfortable. The only thing I can think of is I do this because it brings me attention.
What can I do to boost my self esteem, because this is where I think the attention seeking is coming from? And also, why do I feel like I don't want to be married? Thanks so much for your help.