Low self esteem affecting me

by Marina

'I think' I have low self esteem. Mine is quite a long story. Lately I have been thinking about it and I think I now know where it all started. When I started school I was one of the brightest in the school. The head teacher would occasionally call me to help those a class ahead of me with reading and pronunciation issues. Occasionally we had to do a joint examination(like 20 schools)(this happens in the country I come from) and I used to be at the top always. As a kid I had all the confidence.

Then came the time that I had to change schools as my parents thought it was a good idea for me to attend a boarding school. Things started to change. Teachers would always punish us by giving us a beating. We couldn't say a thing as there was fear of more beatings. There was this particular teacher who could punish me and always repeated to me that I would never see the doors of a university. My self esteem dropped to zero, I could no longer talk to the teachers, I dropped academically, first to average then to the bottom. I managed to get enough grades to take me to a fairly good high school. I now have a bachelors degree and doing my masters but I have always had some kind of fear in me.

I got a job in a good company but I quit when I was given a promotion because I felt inadequate and my confidence was almost at zero. Lately I have problems getting jobs, being invited for interviews but no confidence to attend them.

I need someone to give me some advice on how to regain my confidence. I am tired of this and I need to look for a job. My friends think I have a great personality and I am a go getter but what they don't know is what I am going through.

Please advise.

Comments for Low self esteem affecting me

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low self esteem
by: Anonymous

It is little wonder with the background of your school life that you have been made to feel so inadequate. People can get you to believe something and it can become ingrained in you at the time.
You have to tell yourself that you are capable to so much more but you have been conditioned to think you are incapable
From what you have told me, I think that you have done very well to cope the way you have and there should be no reason why you cannot do more.
Negative conditioning can do a lot of harm and it is not surprising that there are so many people out there who feel the way you do, and there are many more who indulge in bullying behaviour to boost up their feelings of inadequacy.
Most people have lacked confidence at some time in their lives and what you want to do, is to cultivate people who help you to feel good and there are many more out there who will be your friends and love you for who you are.

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