I've always been low on confidence all my life. I have had very few best friends.
I never participate in group discussions because I'm soft spoken and have nothing much to say. I'm almost non existent. When I do say something people look at me strangely, realising I was always sitting there, or maybe first time they have heard my voice. I don't mingle with people easily.
That's not the last of my problems.
I've been married for the past 5 years. It was a marriage arranged by our parents and thankfully my hubby has turned out to be a gem. For the past four years our parents are fighting and have started offending each other.
Recently we went to visit them, they started fighting in front of us (we live away from our home country) and my parents were upset that I didn't speak up for them or stand up for them and support them.
They think they are protecting me from my in laws but I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Obviously I hate confrontations. My parents told me to stay back and leave my hubby because even he didn't 'correct' his parents. or get him to get his parents to apologize, and they gave him 'cold' treatment after that.
Obviously, I didnt stay back, so now I have the tag of being the worst daughter in the world. My parents have supposedly sacrificed so much for me, and I'm so ungrateful.
Since that episode my hubby refuses to talk to my parents. This has further aggravated them. They say how can I live with a man, who disrespects my parents. I have tried to get him to talk to them but he says he wants my parents to apologize. How can I tell my parents to apologize? they don't even realise they are wrong, and they called once and spoke to him. Even after that hubby refuses to call them. My parents say they 'bent' once, what else do I want from them?
I'm sorry for the rant. This probably is not the right place for this question. but if I had any confidence left in me, that also has been diminished after this trip back home.
I'm stressed, depressed, don't go out. We don't have any friends or family here. I'm in a different country and I can't even manage the local language. It's such a shame, I need positivity and motivation. Any wise words?
p.s: my family has never had any open, positive discussions. people just sulk for days, and give a cold shoulder. It has always been like that. so I'm scared to confront my parents too.