low confidence

I've always been low on confidence all my life. I have had very few best friends.

I never participate in group discussions because I'm soft spoken and have nothing much to say. I'm almost non existent. When I do say something people look at me strangely, realising I was always sitting there, or maybe first time they have heard my voice. I don't mingle with people easily.

That's not the last of my problems.

I've been married for the past 5 years. It was a marriage arranged by our parents and thankfully my hubby has turned out to be a gem. For the past four years our parents are fighting and have started offending each other.

Recently we went to visit them, they started fighting in front of us (we live away from our home country) and my parents were upset that I didn't speak up for them or stand up for them and support them.

They think they are protecting me from my in laws but I was shocked and didn't know what to say. Obviously I hate confrontations. My parents told me to stay back and leave my hubby because even he didn't 'correct' his parents. or get him to get his parents to apologize, and they gave him 'cold' treatment after that.

Obviously, I didnt stay back, so now I have the tag of being the worst daughter in the world. My parents have supposedly sacrificed so much for me, and I'm so ungrateful.

Since that episode my hubby refuses to talk to my parents. This has further aggravated them. They say how can I live with a man, who disrespects my parents. I have tried to get him to talk to them but he says he wants my parents to apologize. How can I tell my parents to apologize? they don't even realise they are wrong, and they called once and spoke to him. Even after that hubby refuses to call them. My parents say they 'bent' once, what else do I want from them?

I'm sorry for the rant. This probably is not the right place for this question. but if I had any confidence left in me, that also has been diminished after this trip back home.

I'm stressed, depressed, don't go out. We don't have any friends or family here. I'm in a different country and I can't even manage the local language. It's such a shame, I need positivity and motivation. Any wise words?

p.s: my family has never had any open, positive discussions. people just sulk for days, and give a cold shoulder. It has always been like that. so I'm scared to confront my parents too.

Comments for low confidence

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Discussing is best way forward.
by: Ali

I understand you and how you are feeling - Now you have nothing to lose so you need to sit down and discuss your feelings firstly with your husband and explain 'how upset your are' and that you 'need his help' to sort this problem out between both your parents. If he agrees to help you, discuss different ways of resolving this problem with your family.

Maybe you should both give opinions as to what you think went wrong and discuss ways you could resolve this together to get everyone talking. Advise that it is important to you that everyone is talking. If it was your family in the wrong - apologise for their ignorance to your husband and ask him to give them another chance.

Also you must get your parents together and also advise them that you love them and your husband very much and you feel torn between them all and in the middle. Your husband needs to do the same with his family too - when you both feel that they have calmed down and realised that there is more to life than fighting about little things.

Explain that to be happy, enjoy life and getting on with people is the best way forward. If you don't agree with someone's opinion, either bite your tongue or kindly voice your opinion but don't force it on anyone - at the end of the day they will follow their own instincts.

If there are children involved, explain to both families that for the sake of the children you all want to get on so they have a happy and sociable upbringing with all involved.

There is only you that can help with the 'low confidence' - group discussion with people going through similar problems can help to make you feel less isolated but you need to finalise the problem with your husband/family which will ease a lot of the pressures you are feeling.

Take care

Low confidence can ruin your life
by: Angie

Hi, thanks for the motivating and interesting post! I agree with you, low confidence can ruin your whole life.

You need help in certain stages of your life to get up and moving, I just recently came across a great motivational video that I watch whenever I lack of inspiration for the day. It really helps to get a head start, I recommend it to everyone. Here's the link:

low self confidence
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

You are how you think you are. The thoughts you have about yourself are negative, and so this is the energy that you draw into yourself and around you.

Many people in a group do not speak, this does not mean that others think they are boring, or uninteresting. You assume this is the case when you speak, but most probably, because you don't often speak, people are curious to hear what you have to say, because it must be important, otherwise you wouldn't have spoken!

Can you see if you thought in this manner you would not feel unimportant, but rather an interesting listener who has decided to speak for a change!

With regard to your family problems, concentrate on happiness between yourself and your husband, rather than how your family think you should be towards him and them. When they phone to speak to you why not say he cannot come to the phone at the moment and leave it at that. Why cause upset between you and your husband because of what they feel is right for you. He may speak to them in time when he feels he wants to.

The relationship you have with your husband far outweighs keeping your family happy. Your happiness is what counts, and the fact that you are happy with your husband is a bonus don't you think!

I understand where you are coming from with regard to being in another country from your family and friends. I too am in a different country from my family, although there is no language barrier.

Have you thought of yourself and your husband joining groups together. Do you have the same religion, if so why not go to church and make friends who have the same beliefs as you both.

Look in the papers for groups that are advertising for new members, do something totally different for both of you, maybe dancing, a walking group, something you can do as a couple so that you have joint friends that you can see.

Why not take up an evening class to help your understanding of the language of the country you are now in? I know that here in New Zealand there is an organization that teaches the English language to the non-speaking people who come into the country. Ask around or phone your Council to ask if they know of such an organization.

You can sit back and stay as you are, or you can change those negative thoughts to positive, and in doing so better, not only your life, but the relationship you have with your husband.

Good luck,

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