low confidence

by nancy

I am suffering from low confidence. I'm not able to speak with people, my throat gets dry, I start stammering and start sweating. I cannot speak with people seeing in their eyes please give me a free advice as I cannot spend money.

Comments for low confidence

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To Nancy.
by: Stacey ( England)

Hello Nancy,

I have been thinking a lot about your letter after reading it, and just wanted to say that you can get the confidence within yourself to get past this stage in your life but you need to put your mind to it, and work hard.

You need to start telling yourself you can and you will by saying positive affirmations, how does this sound, "I am a calm confident person, and I enjoy talking to others." Sounds easy doesn't it? Say it over and over in your mind as much as you can, put notes around your home to remind you, and when you see it say it out loud.

Then set a task for yourself telling you can, start off little, make a goal, today I will have eye contact with one person saying just "hello," this could be done in a shop, on a walk, or passing a friend in a social environment, feel great for doing it!!! Then re confirm the "I am a calm and confident person and enjoy talking to others" then make it two people in a day, then so on.

After a while stretch this goal, how about going into a shop, not necessarily to buy something but to have a "little conversation" with another person that you will NOT have to engage in for a long time being able to give a little eye contact only, it could be a clothes shop, news agent, sweet shop, supermarket, train station, library, garden centre, anywhere.

Ask someone a question looking at them in the eye, (remember to say before your affirmation, "I am a calm confident person, and I enjoy talking to people") "Do you have this top in a green, or a size 14? where can I find the washing powder? can I buy some chocolate buttons? how much is the train into town? what number bus gets me to Green Lane? where are the non fiction books?"
Just little questions and answers, this way you do not commit to a long conversation but doing so you CAN and WILL gain confidence.

Make a point of having eye contact and after you do tell your self how good it felt and how it was easy (even though your heart might be jumping out of your body and your throat's dry!)

Then when you are ready, move on to something else that will get you talking for a longer period of time, the key is the positive thinking, "I CAN!, I WILL!, I AM! and I enjoy" little to start, make it more often and then extend the time BUT don't forget to praise yourself as you do it!! The more it is done the easier it will be, trust me!

I hope maybe I have helped you a little Nancy, NO MORE saying of "I am not or I can not"

Best wishes, Good luck,
God Bless,
Love and Rainbows,
Stacey x

Low confidence
by: Kay

Hi Nancy,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth, any advice given here is free. There will never be any links to items that you can purchase in this section, the only desire is to help you to feel better about yourself.

I imagine part of your problem is that when you meet people you are thinking about yourself, and how you feel. This brings on your lack of confidence.

Can you try to focus on the other person that you are talking to? Try and take your thoughts off yourself by asking the other person questions about themselves. When you become attentive to what they are saying, this should help you to feel more at ease inside, and take your thoughts away from yourself.

I feel it's really important that you try and work on how you see yourself. It seems that you do not think of yourself as being worthwhile, when of course you are just as good as anyone that you come in touch with throughout your day.

I am sure you feel horrible at being this way, but you are the only one who can help yourself. You have to start to like yourself. This is really important Nancy, you have to start telling yourself "I am a very confident person." - often.

Visualizing is a very good way of helping your situation. As you dislike speaking to groups of people, try to picture yourself standing in front of a group of people talking to them.

See them listening to you and visualize that when you finish speaking, they all start clapping and coming to shake you by the hand. Imagine the feelings you will be having at this point, everyone loves you!

Take it a step further and see someone presenting you with a lovely bouquet of flowers. See everything in vivid colour if you can. Over exaggerate everything in your mind. Make it a theater full of people, and you on the stage. Visualize it how you like, make it wonderful, make it feel so good to you!

You can also use this mind tool in this way to help you speak with just one person.

I suppose this may seem a strange thing to do, but please try it as often as you can, and see how good it will make you feel. It really will. Don't give up after a few days, weeks, or even months, keep visualizing it does work.

Visualizing is a very powerful mind tool to use. If you use it regularly, first thing in the morning, any time throughout the day, and last thing at night, it will help build your confidence.

I hope you will give this a go Nancy, and I wish you luck and a future filled with confidence.

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