by Amanda

Hello, I'm 15 years old (16 in November), and I've got really low self esteem and confidence. I am always shy and so I can't make any friends because I don't know how to..

I told myself many times that I will change. I was consulting with Council and teachers in school, but it only made me feel worse.. I just want someone who I can talk to, but I don't have anyone like that. My family isn't the best and we have many problems.. My relations with mum are really bad and I don't have dad he abandoned me when I was about 6, I've got 3 siblings. I really don't know what I'm to do, because I really don't like my school or should I say that I hate it?!

When I was 11 I moved to N.I. ever since then everything makes me feel depressed, first 2 years went alright, but in last year something changed there were times that I even had suicidal thoughts and I did cut my self.. The only thing that i enjoy at the moment is Music, that's the only thing I like in whole world. When I'm sad or happy it helps me overcome my problem, but still I can only feel loneliness I know that there's something missing inside of me, but well i just can't figure out what..

As you read this you may think that I am pathetic, but I really don't have anyone who I could talk to so please don't be harsh when writing a response..

Comments for Loneliness..

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by: Anonymous

Amanda you have not got this on your own, other people feel just the same as you are feeling now. You say that you have sought help and not found it but if you keep on seeking, someone one day will come and help. Look around for another person whom you know at school who feels left out as well. Maybe you can help them.

I think that everyone at some stage in their life feels that they do not belong but this will pass and one day your life will get better and keep on getting better. People whom you think are confident may feel just as lost as you underneath but they put a brave face on it, and try to cover up by being brash and often pushy, they are the ones who put other people down to feel better themselves.

Just remember it will pass, give it time.

by: Kay

Hello Amanda. I don't think you are at all pathetic, I know how difficult it is to be shy and uncertain about yourself.

I feel a big part of your problem is that you don't believe in yourself, and when you have these "I can't" thoughts these become how you are. You should work on the inner you. Start by letting yourself know that you believe in yourself, that you are a very nice girl and everyone thinks so too. I guess this may sound so easy that you may feel it wont work, but if you say it often enough and with feeling, as though you truly mean it, you will start to change your energy and react in a more positive way. As you say "I believe in myself", punch a fist through the air and say "yeah" out loud (I'm assuming you will be on your own at this time lol)
Do this as often as you like and you should feel stronger each time. Keep the energy you feel going as long as you can. If you can't get time alone, say the words to yourself (with feeling and determination) this should work too!

With regard to making new friends, friendship has to be given first. When you meet someone begin by asking them questions about themselves. Their hobbies, favourite singer, songs, type of music they enjoy. Have they pets, any brothers, sisters, where do they live. As the person answers you will be able to give them information about yourself, and in this way you have something to speak about. You will also be helping the other person because they may be exactly the same as you, and by asking the questions you give them something to speak about. Makes sense?

How you are is the result of your own thoughts. Everything you do is the result of your thought. No one can choose them but you. When you aren't happy with how you are you hold the key to changing. No one can do this for you, only you. So do your best to be happy by saying you enjoy school, by changing the 'hate it' thought this in itself will help you to feel better about it.

Join a club, maybe a gym where you can meet other young people.

If you like, send me a reply to this comment and I will email you to help you further. I wont put the emails you send me on the website though, I promise. I only want to help you if I can. Your message touched a soft spot! I have a 13 year old granddaughter, and she starts a new school next week, I have given her the same advice about making new friends as I gave you.

Take care,

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