For the past 13 years I think I was living in a fantasy world. My dog and I were completely happy, full of joy, loved life, loved who I was and never understood why people were so miserable. I thanked God so often for blessing me with this incredibly happy life. Then I lost my boy and with that my love, my joy, my life.
I'm single and always considered my dog my love; my best friend. Every day was a great one. Now I do nothing but work and sleep. Life is ugly to me now. I have no hope in my life. My family wasn't there for me or friends. No one understands the pain of him not being here. No one will let me talk about him. What a pathetic existence I have now. I miss him terribly and our life together and no one understands.
I don't talk to my neighbors anymore and I'm losing friends one by one - I just feel like no one cares about me. I am SO unloved and so alone in this world. I keep asking God to just take me so I can be with my boy in Heaven. I'm useless down here and bitter and can't understand what happened to me.
Losing my dog crushed me. But on top of that I'm now losing my faith and so scared about Heaven. I have to see my love again. But I also feel like God is "mad" at me; or has forgotten about me. I cry every day and every day I hope just one good thing will happen to change my miserableness and nothing does.
I tried counseling, talking to a priest. The longing and the love for my boy doesn't go away. It just never stops hurting. And I've never lived such an isolated, non-social life ever. When will this end?