lack of confidence

I am an Engineering Graduate. I have a job offer from an MNCs. My age is 21 and whatever it is, it seems to be perfect for most of you. I am a girl and I live in a developing country. Hailing from an agricultural background, I don't have a support from my parents/relatives. My friends think that I am self centered, I admit that to certain extent.

Now that market is quite low in US that has affected my country's market and IT jobs here. I graduated in June this year. And still at home, though I have an offer. I always dream high and I am the first Engineer in my family. I feel very bad and feel like killing myself, my parents never understood me.

Right from school days I suffered a lot. My parents expected me to work after school in the farm and when I protested and told them that I have to study they agreed. But for them if I wanted to study I should be perfect at it. Whenever I didn't get 1st rank or distinction grades they insulted and humiliated me. I cried from inside they never heard it, in fact no one heard it. My mom even didn't allow me to play with my friends. Speaking with friends was offensive at home and I thought let me not make friends, Why get scoldings every time.
My loneliness increased day by day. I went to hostel for high school, I cried whenever I got holidays, so its been 9(5yrs High school+ 4 yrs Engineering) years away from home. I was happier than before. I met many people especially during my 4 years of Engineering. I didn't take up Engineering seriously. In fact, I never studied theory. So there was a huge gap between my High School marks (96%) and Engineering Aggregate(66%). But that wasn't bad according to my friends and teachers. I completed my engineering with first class in first attempt. First class was enough to get a job and I got placed while studying in an MNC and the profile is Software Engineer.

My parents were proud and started calculating my salary. I didn't mind. But now that market is low and my Date of joining is delayed.I have become a victim for all frustrations at home. I don't have privacy here, if I speak over phone my mom starts her inquiry. I always respected my parents views, I never dated any guy till now. But now it has become intolerable for me.
I missed so many people and opportunities in life in this process of respecting my parents.

I know things are going to be fine once I get my Date of Joining. I have passion for writing and I write poems and articles. So looking for Content Writing job. I wanted to take it as a part-time job. But, because of irritations at home I didn't even pen a word from 2 months.

Thanks for this website, that made me type so much.

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