I've gotten nowhere...

by Forever alone
(Darkness)

I think I've struggled all my life with socializing. It's never been easy and I feel so alone sometimes. Recently I have blamed my career choice. I am a veterinarian and went through much school far from those whom I used to call friends. Now on the rare instances I see such former friends I am a stranger to them. Maybe we were never really friends. I hate that I did all this for myself - to myself really.


I hear so many complain that success will bring them happiness. Well that is a f*****g lie. I am a god damned doctor, I make 90 k a year saving animals lives, and yet I am miserable, alone and buried in debt. I would trade it all for friends, someone to love and being surrounded by people who care. I am 30 years old, have never been in a real relationship cannot remember the last time I Made a real new friend. I feel so bitter and hate filled when I look in the mirror at what I see staring back at me.

I feel you can only be cared for and loved when you are physically attractive. I am short, with a slender build, cannot gain muscle for shit, losing my hair, have crooked horrid teeth and cannot fathom anyone finding me attractive. It is all consuming and has made me want to kill myself - I have stared at my fathers gun, wanting to use it but I want my parents not to see me with a gaping hole in my head in thier house. So I am at a loss, feeling like I can gain nothing from life and this is how things will be. You should know that success means nothing without love in your life - it is empty, hollow and dark.

I don't know how to make things better. I don't think things will ever change. I wish I was someone better than me...

Comments for I've gotten nowhere...

Click here to add your own comments

Shy or Introverted?
by: Anonymous

I grew up shy. When my Mum answered the door, me and my brother would hide behind her.
I grew up shy, but also Introverted, for years I thought there was something wrong with me. The way people reacted to me was strange. Then once I accepted I was an Introvert, I set about finding as much about it as I could. People will sometimes misunderstand you if they are extroverts, they take your introversion as being cool and aloof.
You will have different thought processes, and maybe prefer time on your own to recharge, exroverts like to be around people all the time. Up to half the worlds population are introverts. So dont worry,you aren't abnormal!
I have learnt you arent everyone's cup of tea, but don't take it personally any more. I used to get so hurt and be quite sensitive. You are who you are, and be proud of it. As long as you are the best person you can be, it dousnt matter what others think of you.
You are Unique
by: Anonymous

Never wish you were someone else, because there are people out there envying you for who you are
Tommorow
by: Anonymous

Look at tomorrow as the first day of the rest of your life. You sound a bit introverted to me.Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Firstly start with your appearance, is there al look that you like that will suit you? You can do wonders with your hair,or get expert advice, your teeth can be straightened.Start to take a big interst in yourself and see it as a challenge to meet. You're a vet ,so already I know you like animals and are a kind person. You are more than able to meet a challenge,just make it about yourself this time. You CAN make friends,by being one to people you already know. And there are people also out there looking for friends. Just make sure they are genuine.
The possibilities are endless, you just need to change your frame of mind. And PLEASE start thinking that you yourself are entitled to all the love in the world. Good luck
I've gotten nowhere
by: Anonymous

Juat take a look at yourself, you have done a lot with your life and given much to the welfare of animals.
One of the greatest assets in life is to be able to socialise and I can understand how you feel, because for years I had trouble with just that. Looking back I did not have a very happy working life because I did not know how to get on with people.
In latter years I have found that I have grown a lot and now have no difficulty.
You have to find the people that you feel comfortable with and with whom you have a lot in common.
You also have to learn how to communicate with people, as they do not always understand that you have difficulty and you may come over as detached and rather cool in your attitudes.
People who seem rather cold and clinical are often rather shy.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Personal Growth.