I'm sick of me!

by Murt

Where to start? How do I explain what my problem is when I can't get it right in my own head. I love my family and I am the first one to lose it if people mess with them. While at the same time I feel no remorse for lying to them or stealing from them.

Pretty much every girl I have ever been with is vulnerable, I pick girls who have been cheated on a lot in the past. I make them fall in love with me, then cheat on them as much as I can, dump them and make them feel like its them who has done something wrong. When the truth is I just don't want to be with them any more.

I have a son who I truly love with all my heart but rather than give my ex money to feed him I spend all my money on drink, drugs and living the good life (I do feel guilty about this but can't stop).

I have sick and twisted fantasies about doing nasty things to girls. I constantly lie to everybody, even when I'm telling a true story I add things in or leave bits out to make it sound more impressive. I know most people tend to do that from time to time but I mean I always do it no matter what the situation.

I'm a loner by choice but get angry when I have nobody to depend on. I care nothing for the world or what happens to the people in it. When I hear stories like the twin towers in NY or mass killings in Africa it has no effect on me. I care nothing for the opinions of others unless they agree with me.

Now I know reading this has probably made some people angry but I am only writing it because I don't want to be a sick, self centred, low life any more. I want to change who I am and how I act but I just don't know how. Am I just defected? Is there any hope for somebody like me? Or should I just kill a few pedos or something so they'll lock me up for a long time?

Comments for I'm sick of me!

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I am sick of me
by: Anonymous

You have taken a step to take responsibility for your actions and I think you have to go on from there as you need assistance to sort out yourself.
You are not the only person with this problem there are dozens of others in the same boat but it is taking action to try and change your life and it is hard. You sound mixed up.
Find some sort of therapy and there will be someone who will help you somewhere out there. It just needs a bit of looking. Do let us know how you finally sort it all out.

by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.
I wasn't angry as I read what you wrote, I was very concerned for you. There is always hope, but it is up to you take make the first move towards helping yourself. No one else can do this for you. I suggest that you seek professional help straight away. Contact your doctor, or someone who offers counseling.


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