I'm never happy.

I know that compared to a large part of the world, I have a good life. I would rather downgrade some things and be happy than live miserably though.

We live with my fiance's mom, and have for the past 3 years. I'm 21. We get along, but I don't like living here. I STILL don't feel like this is my house even though they do everything to make me feel welcome here. It's a much nicer place then my parents have, but it's not home to me. His mom can have a dog, but I'm not allowed to have one, even a small one. I hate that, especially.

We would love to move, but can't right now financially. I am in school partially on scholarship, partially on loans, but I lose the scholarship if I get a job at all-and that pays more then a part time job would.

I hate college. I'm good in it, and right now I only go 12 hours a week, I have an A in almost all of my classes, but I absolutely hate it. On top of that, there's no job in the world that I want. I wont be happy doing any job that I can think of, nothing. I have no real goals in life other then "Get rich so I can afford to do the things I like," Like traveling and eating at expensive restaurants and things like that. Of course, I don't know how I'll get rich if I don't want a job. I know I need one, but I really, really don't want one.

I hate myself, both as a person and looks wise. I would be a "Pretty" girl if my face wasn't COVERED in acne and acne scars. My breasts are small, but more then that, they are more then a cup size difference from one another and don't sit evenly. I hate my eye color, but contacts irritate me to much to get colored contacts. I don't have any hobbies that I like to do-I don't like doing much of anything, really. I hardly hang out with my friends because I don't like to do what they're doing, and I can't come up with anything for us to do.

I love my fiancee, he treats me very well, and hanging around him is one of the few things that makes me... well, sort of happy in a way, but not truly happy with my entire life.

I get jealous incredibly easily of other girls-not other girls around him, other girls in general. Ones that look prettier, or are smarter then me. I'm incredibly self conscious about my looks, and I know looks aren't supposed to matter, but my own looks matter to me. I don't care how anyone else looks, but... how do you love yourself when you look in the mirror and want to rip your own face off? I don't like anything physically about myself except for the fact that I'm thin.

Mentally I only like that I'm smart, but I have no drive and ambition in life. I don't want kids, I don't want to do anything great, I don't really like anything. People say "oh, get a really good job that pays well and you only have to work like 3 or 4 days a week." I don't want that.

I'm not suicidal, but really... I'm kinda thinking life's not worth being this miserable over. I know there are people that have it way, way worse then me, but.. that doesn't stop me from hating my life, and I wish anyone out there that isn't healthy and happy the best.

Comments for I'm never happy.

Click here to add your own comments

Its your life
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel. I'm currently at college and I have just finished my AS exams and I don't hate college and I don't feel I'm failing but I still feel unhappy sometimes.

I dont have a part time job and yet all my friends do and that is what makes me sad because that makes me feel lazy and rubbish compared to these people. But, we should never compare ourselves to others because we are all different and each of us have our own qualities but you've just got to find them. I often find that although you may be jealous of one person with a certain quality, it is likely that they are jealous of you too for a certain quality you have, even if you can't see it other people can.

You are not alone, there are countless numbers of people who don't know what they want to do with their lives but always do what you want to do because, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what people think about you, it is your life and you should embrace it. Wake up each morning as if it was on purpose..

I am never happy
by: Anonymous

You are caught in a binding situation which is difficult. What made you take the subjects that you did? How long have you got to study before you are qualified? I would finish what you are doing and then decide what you would like to do.

There are times in our lives when we feel trapped, and we do not know where to turn but you seem to be a clever person and one day you will know where you are going, give it time.
Some counselling may help you to see where you are going.

I think you should make a list of all the talents that you have, the subjects that interest you. There are people who do not fit into any place and maybe you are a round peg in a square hole. There are others who feel the same way. It is difficult living with other family members. The day will come when you will see what to do.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.