I'm a 22 yr old male I have always been put down

by Chris
(UK)

I have always been put down by my mates as I'm the one who hates confrontation, it's knocked my self confidence.


Two yrs ago whilst I was walking home at night I got jumped on by a gang. It's getting more and more difficult to go out. I get heart palpitations and I cannot stand up to people. I know what I want to say to them but when I try they put me down.

I really want to be confident. I have a couple of good friends and a loving girlfriend and a supporting family but I just cant shake this. Please help me.

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Lack of Confidence
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. Not liking confrontation does not mean you are a weak person. Many people, myself included, hate confrontation.

It is the reaction you have to what is said to you that either makes you feel good, or makes you feel anger, sad or indifferent. When someone pays you a compliment, you react in a positive way that makes you feel good about yourself. When someone says something that you don't like, you react in a negative way. It is how you react that causes how you feel, and this thought makes your reality, becomes your truth.

I would ask you to really think about this, because it is your own thoughts that are causing your problems. Not the fact that people say things you don't like, but the fact that you react negatively. Can you relate to this? You are choosing to react negatively, if you stopped the annoyed feeling coming into your mind, maybe by saying to yourself before it surfaces "I am confident" and keep saying this until you can feel yourself relax and moving past the reaction, so therefore making a positive thought about yourself your reality rather than what has been spoken to you. Of course I know it's not going to be easy to change how you react, but this is what is going to help you to become at peace with how you are.

You don't have to reply at all when negative words are being thrown at you, in fact it makes you the bigger person by not reacting and walking away. I am sure your girlfriend and family will agree with me on this.

I understand the reaction you have to being jumped on. I too, in my teens was jumped on by one man, fortunately I managed to get away from him, but I know I was affected by this for many years. I would cross the road rather than walk past a man walking alone. I have to be honest and say that even at my great age I still am very wary when I pass people who appear to be 'lurking'. I would ask you to move past the palpitations, take slow deep breaths when you feel them coming and let yourself relax, say "I am relaxed" until you feel them leave. Don't let them get the better of you, know that you are confident. Let yourself know everyday by your own self talk that you are brave, you are determined, and when you get into this determined mindset you will become this way. Remember, it is your own thoughts that make you the way you are.

Good luck, you can do this.

Love
Kay

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