I have lost myself, my life, and most importantly my family
I'm 19 years old I'll be 20 in 6 months, and I still currently live with my parents, 8 year old brother and 14 year old sister. The story of my downhill spiral began when I was 16 and thought it would be cool to drag town, with a black friend. I used to be one of the nicest people, but all that changed when we started hanging out. I stopped going to church I started lying to my parents.
When I was 16 when I had my first kiss, two weeks after that I hung out with and 21 year old and stayed in town until 2 in the morning. The next morning my dad found out and I got in huge trouble. He forced me to get a job to learn how to be responsible.
When I turned 18 I had my first boyfriend. I thought he was the one, but boy was I wrong. I started making bad choices once again. I would lie to my parents about him to keep him out of trouble and they like him. I started smoking pot for him I would let him drive my brand new Mustang and I will always go out of my way to help him in any possible way. One year later were forced to break up.
I later decided to stay single I thought it would be wise for me to have a friend with benefits. That went on for about 2 months and he finally started to tick me off. I thought the best idea would be to hook up with his best friend.
I now know that was probably one of my most stupid, idiotic, moronic, brain-dead decisions I could have made.
About to months ago I was out late driving my truck going 60 down boggy depot road. I then total out my truck. its beyond the point of fixing it. 2 days later my dad felt sorry and decided to get me a new car. There were ground rules, I wasn't allowed to be out late I was supposed to do chores, and I came into an agreement with him.
Last night was probably the worst thing I could have done. There was a small party in my home town, thrown by a senior at the high school my younger sister goes. My sister and my best friend wanted to go. At first I thought is wasn't a great idea, but as always I got talked into it. We go and my friend and I get drunk, she passed out while she was on the phone with her grandma. I thought it was okay because someone told me it was. I still go to the bathroom because I didn't want to see anyone see me cry or worry. While I was in there a guy comes in asks if I'm okay. We stay in there for a while talking so of course people are going to think something is going on. My friends family comes and gets her to take her to the ER and I'm here getting yelled at because they thought wrong. I finally started crying in front them because I'm drunk and hold my emotions in. My younger sister calls a family friend to come and get me. I have lost my phone and my dignity.
Our parents were furious because we went to a party and I took my 14 year old sister there and got drunk knowing I had to drive home. I lost all of their trust. They are saying they'll kick me out of my house and that I'm a worthless lying piece of s***. I won't be able to go to college or get a better job than Sonic.
So I have lost faith in myself and lost hope. I keep praying to God hoping they can help me get back on the right path, and help me get out of this dark hole. I want to be the person everyone looks up to I want to make my dream come true. I want to make a difference in the world.
So please help me with any advice you can give.
Thank you and god bless you, all of you.