I feel alone and hopeless at 33

by Nicole
(Manitoba, Canada)

I am 33 years old. A single woman. I have dealt with mental illness all of my life. My mother and father have both struggled with it many times, and I was there to help them beginning at age 10. I have been on medication since I was 15 and had many counsellors, psychologists and psychiatrists over the years.

My life consisted of trying to cope with depression all of the time while trying to be normal like my peers. This included going to University, dating, working a bit.

However, it wasn't until this past year that the lives of my parents have been stable enough that I had to start looking at my own life and facing up to the emptiness of it. I was always living for my parents, to help them, or waiting for the next crisis to happen. Now, I am 33, have few friends left because those I used to be close with have all married and started families and I haven't stayed in touch because I am so sad and feel so inferior to them because their lives are so full.

My family has been there for me and listened to me for years. I think my parents, because of their own struggles and the fact that I constantly struggle, have stopped being able to listen to me on the phone or in person. My mother is helping me to pay for a counsellor right now. But they have no words of encouragement anymore, my parents. They only tell me that I have to figure it out. Somehow, this makes me feel more hopeless - almost like them saying this to me is confirming that they agree that things are hopeless.

The major obstacle in my life is that I have no stable career. I am in debt from a 5 year Arts Degree in Psychology that has gotten me nowhere and I currently work from pay cheque to pay cheque to be able to live, pay bills and loans. I feel hopeless, useless, weak, needy, scared, and I feel stuck. I've felt stuck since I was 15. I still feel 15 in my mind. I am so behind any of my friends, having no family, or career or having tales of travelling and fun.

I don't know why I am here anymore. I don't know how to better my life. I am intelligent, but I don't have any special skills to find a good job. I am ashamed, embarrassed and I sleep more than I do anything else. To go back to school would mean a huge loan to be able to go to school and have money to live. No option of courses seems like it would be lucrative enough to justify the money I would owe.

I have a 25 year old sister that has a good career (she went to College), is strong and independent, and I'm such a disappointment in comparison. I feel bad for her that she doesn't have a stronger sister to look up to and be there for her. She worries about me too, but cannot listen to me cry because she distances herself from such things, having had the rest of her family suffer from mental illness.

I feel so scared. Scared because I think about suicide all of the time and I won't do it, because other people in my family have tried and some succeeded. I won't do it, but I live in pain and fear that I can't cope.

I am alone. I am 33 and alone and I don't know what to do.

Comments for I feel alone and hopeless at 33

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Don't lose heart
by: Anonymous

I can certainly empathize with your plight. I am 33, have struggled with depression throughout my life, and have felt stuck for a very long time. I am an only child and lost both of my parents years ago. My remaining family is small and scattered. Most of my friends have married and begun families of their own. I'm in a relationship with a kind man, but our future is uncertain. I’m having a hard time finding a job in my field, and my current work in unrewarding. Like you it seems, I know despair, hopelessness, and loneliness intimately.

I’m also learning a few other things these days. First, comparison truly is the thief of joy. Second, there’s more than one life script that can result in great happiness and contentment. Third, it’s all grist for the mill. By this I mean all experience, especially suffering, is valuable.
Those who suffer have a sense for the suffering, and with it, the ability to be a comfort to them. This is a great gift, and one that you obviously have. I loved what the other commenter wrote about leaving your past behind you and deciding what it is you want to do. Please know that you’re not alone. Hang in there, and however difficult, go after what you want. And yes, you can cope. I’m rooting for you!

No worries, be happy.
by: Anonymous

Hi Nicole. Don't worry, I myself is on the same boat. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I'm 32 turning 33 soon. I still feel like I'm 25 at times.
It used to bug me that I'm living with my wonderful parents. But when you really think about it; we are helping each other out. My parents are like my children. Love them and cherish every moment. You need to change the way you think honey. Either, or, we all are dying. So why not do the things you always wanted to do. Live like it's your last day. And always do your best! It's okay to fail. Don't compare yourself to others.

It's funny because I Googled the same thing and your link popped up. Don't give up just yet. There's a lot of people out there that are struggling and it could be far worse.

I hang out by myself, I'm my own best friend. Love yourself and treat yourself kindly. Read books, find a new scenic spot to meditate, do arts and craft, watch comedy, go skydive, exercise! Do anything that makes you happy. Even if you're not feeling it, just fake it until you are happy.

I'll pray for you dear friend. You should watch the Secret on Netflix.

by: Anonymous

I can relate, i have battled depression my whole life, in a relationship with someone that feels fake, in a job i hate in a country far from my origins where i feel alienated, been away for so long all my old friends are married. Feeling powerless and at 33 myself, just confused, parents offer no advice or support, they never did.
my point is, even when we have 'things' such as relationships and jobs etc, its no garuntee of happiness. when people strut around in front of you showing off thier 'things' if its making you feel especially bad, i would bet that they are feeling pretty good comparing themselves to you. So screw em, you are you, and you need to be you no matter what, no comparisons society is a nightmare, its all wrong. You have an incredible capacity for caring and altruism, and you are one of the unsung heros in the world. People like you deserve respect, but people like you are ignored. Screw them all, be you, its time and you don't need a fancy qualification, there is a place for you, keep searching, and dont stop until you find it.

I feel alone and hopeless
by: Anonymous

You have not got this on your own. You have been through a lot and it is hard to cope with it when you do not feel you can access the help that you need.
At this moment the world is in a state and that does not help.
Have you tried playing some music or listening to a DVD when you feel a bit down, sometimes something cheerful will help to lighten your feeling of gloom. One day you will find someone who can help or else try and help someone else who is also feeling a bit down.
Just remember you are not alone, there are others out there who will understand and talk to you. You are drained at the moment and when you are drained, you are tired and down to it. When it is a sunny day, try and get outside and walk the sun will make you feel much better

by: Kay

The wonderful thing is that now your parents are making a life for themselves leaving you free, you can do whatever you choose! Making friends is a good start and the way to do this is by joining any clubs or groups that may be in your area. Perhaps a walking club, the gym, learning dance, anything that will put you in contact with people to enable you to make friends. Friendship has to be given before it can be received. Having new friends should lead you to doing other things in your life.

Live for today, don't look back to the past on things that you weren't happy with, put everything behind you and decide what it is you want to do. The world truly is your oyster, it's just a matter of choosing what it is that you want to do. Your thoughts make your reality, so what is it you want to do?


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