I fail at relationships

by Lucy

I've never been good at relationships. I mean, never. From my earliest youth I have failed to form proper relationships or bond with anyone -- even close family. The result is I don't gel well with other people and am emotionally needy and very lonely.

Somehow, despite all this, I have managed to meet and marry a decent man, but he doesn't understand my issues and can't meet all my needs. I don't think it's fair to ask him to.

It all seems really unfair to me because I'm kind, hardworking and compassionate, but no matter what I do, I can't form intimate relationships with others. My marriage only seems to work because my husband accepts me as I am. Other people don't.

This is making me incredibly miserable and if anyone can help me overcome it, they will find that in addition to all of the above qualities, I'm very loyal and grateful to people who are good to me.

Comments for I fail at relationships

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by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. For some reason, and it may well be an issue from the past, you appear to be very needy and wanting of acceptance by people.

Nobody gels with every person they come into contact with. People may work together for years and yet not be friends. This is all quite normal, and doesn't mean they have problems. Not everyone has an intimate relation with with lots of people.

In a strange sort of way, I don't think there is a problem, other than the fact that you believe there is. You seem a wonderful person to me, but you don't accept that you are, and even go on to say that people don't accept you, but I feel this is your problem in that you expect too much from what most people would call friendships.

People may only have one or two intimate friends in a lifetime. Some people have none, I don't feel I have any intimate friendships, other than family. I have people I get along with but don't necessarily bond with them or see them socially, but that doesn't mean they don't accept me or don't like me. It's just the way life is. Not everyone wants to be a best friend, but they will still like you.

You want so much from other people that you are causing problems for yourself. Have you thought about counselling to get to the bottom of the problem, because I feel something happened in your childhood that has made you this way, and if you can have a talk to a counsellor you may well find out the reason you are this way and can take the necessary steps to heal and move forward in your life.

I hope all works out well for you, because, truly, you appear to be a very special person.


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