I dont trust my body

by Bek
(usa)

I promised myself I would never slip up again. I trained so hard and lost 20 lbs and got strong and lean. I started running which I thought I would never be capable of, I eat right-gave up drinking!, learned to love lifting weights and felt great in some cute clothes. Nothing is more enlivening than self-confidence. It's not just superficial gains, it's all health.


On the outside I had never been so healthy in my life, but inside my body was attacking itself. Imagine what a shock and disappointment is was to see pudge building on my body again, feeling so weak with low stamina and having to buy FAT PANTS-the same size or larger than what I had happily thrown out a year ago(thinking that I was on the right track to staying thin).

I don't know why I've gained so much weight(20lbs in less than 2 months), sometimes I have problems with portions, yes, but that drastic gain is unexplained and scary. There is a mystery medical problem. I have had many blood tests and other procedures which tell me that something is going on but we don't know what. My white blood cells are elevated, I have symptoms that could be anything from IBS to arthritis, diabetes to cancer. I feel like all doctors are incompetent.

I am hoping that I have a degenerative disease Simply because it would be an answer.
I don't know how to stay positive anymore. I am depressed, fat, and antisocial-because I don't want my peeps seeing me all fat and with nothing to offer as far as conversation goes.

I am trying to continue with working out but I get frustrated with my lack of strength and the jiggle I feel. I put so much effort into the battle a year ago, I don't know how much will power I have left. sometimes I think "why bother?" but I don't want to fall into that mindset.

On top of body issues, I quit yet another college program, I am in a dead-end job, and had to move back in with my mother because my apartment had some environmental toxin. My bank is way overdrawn, I have the minimum fed help with Food stamps, but I am strangely not eligible for medical insurance.

Comments for I dont trust my body

Click here to add your own comments

I don't trust my body
by: Anonymous

There are a lot of people out there with the same problems, it could be due to body chemical imbalance, we are ingesting a lot of substances which are in our food. There is radiation, pollution, all sorts around us, even water can affect people in some areas with what is in it.
Overweight is due to a number of causes.

It might be worthwhile to look up some sites or ask your doctor for another opinion if you can do so.

Family genetics is another factor as well, if other members of your family have suffered in the past with obscure symptoms, it might pay to do some research on that.

I can understand how frustrated you feel and I hope that someone else with the same problems contact this website, they might be able to shed some light on this.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Need Personal Growth Advice?.