I completely give up
(Las Vegas )
I am 28, and I never thought I'd ever feel this bad in my life. I have 3 kids...my whole childhood I was abused and raised by drunks and druggies. So basically the point in saying that is I don't have a "family" or a support system.
Even though I rose above and didn't do a drug or anything like that. I always try as hard as I possibly can at everything I do....nothing works out.. I went to college but as soon as I finished my field was in a horrible position, so I worked 3 jobs at once to try and support my kids..in the meantime I was raped, and married an extremely abusive guy who I continually tried to leave but even through domestic violence classes and all can't ever seem to get away from him..I try to move he follows but they wont grant me a Protection order. He's ruined nearly everything I worked for the last 6 years of my life. Stole all my $ broke all my things tried to take my kids just to mess with me. Fighting to regain custody was a major year long battle...I had to become a stripper just to keep up with the bills and lawyers...dancing was paying the bills for a while however slowly but surely I am losing dancing jobs. 1 because I wouldn't do drugs with the owner, another because the owners girlfriends a dancer and she didn't like me because I was making more $ then her... So now that I've applied for newly 15 jobs a day at every where you can imagine and every doors closed...and I've applied at colleges in 4 different states but can't get the $ together to start all I can do is look at my kids and wish they had a different mom.
Everything I do I do with complete honesty and integrity I have carried my faith with me and given the shirt off my back to help another in need. I've always done my best and tried my best and always always done the right thing in every circumstance but nothing ever goes right. All I can do is look at my kids and wish they had a different mom and a different life.I am seriously considering suicide..I'm so low I can't see up. I'm starting to think they will be better off without me...if anyone has any advice at all I need it.