I completely give up

by Lilly
(Las Vegas )

I am 28, and I never thought I'd ever feel this bad in my life. I have 3 kids...my whole childhood I was abused and raised by drunks and druggies. So basically the point in saying that is I don't have a "family" or a support system.

Even though I rose above and didn't do a drug or anything like that. I always try as hard as I possibly can at everything I do....nothing works out.. I went to college but as soon as I finished my field was in a horrible position, so I worked 3 jobs at once to try and support my kids..in the meantime I was raped, and married an extremely abusive guy who I continually tried to leave but even through domestic violence classes and all can't ever seem to get away from him..I try to move he follows but they wont grant me a Protection order. He's ruined nearly everything I worked for the last 6 years of my life. Stole all my $ broke all my things tried to take my kids just to mess with me. Fighting to regain custody was a major year long battle...I had to become a stripper just to keep up with the bills and lawyers...dancing was paying the bills for a while however slowly but surely I am losing dancing jobs. 1 because I wouldn't do drugs with the owner, another because the owners girlfriends a dancer and she didn't like me because I was making more $ then her... So now that I've applied for newly 15 jobs a day at every where you can imagine and every doors closed...and I've applied at colleges in 4 different states but can't get the $ together to start all I can do is look at my kids and wish they had a different mom.

Everything I do I do with complete honesty and integrity I have carried my faith with me and given the shirt off my back to help another in need. I've always done my best and tried my best and always always done the right thing in every circumstance but nothing ever goes right. All I can do is look at my kids and wish they had a different mom and a different life.I am seriously considering suicide..I'm so low I can't see up. I'm starting to think they will be better off without me...if anyone has any advice at all I need it.

Comments for I completely give up

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Cast your net a bit wider for assistance
by: Anonymous

Dear Lily you live in a different country from where I live but is there any avenue that you have not explored to get some help.
There are organisations in your country who should be able to help, is your police force so unhelpful over this?
When you get into a panic it is hard to see where to go and you feel threatened, you cannot see the wood for the trees.
It is a nightmare but someday you will see daylight and move out of this darkness. Each year your children are growing older and that will help.
Would the Salvation Army or a city mission find you a way out? There will be some areas that you may not have thought of.
Anyway my thoughts and prayers will go out to you. If something does happen for you, I hope that you will let Kay know.

Don't give up
by: Lucy

You need a support system. Is there any group you can join? You said you went to domestic abuse classes -- do they have links to an association, group or club you can join?

They usually do. These womens' groups have a lot of resources and will be able to help you.

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