I can only focus on the negative.
Shortly after the birth of my 7 month old son, I lost all self confidence and began dwelling heavily on negative thoughts. Ive always had issues with depression.
I feel like I'm just worn out. My stepfather was very abusive throughout my childhood. I wasn't allowed to attend school and I didn't really have any friends or anything to do growing up. He was out of the picture shortly before my 15th birthday and I started high school.. after not being in school for 6 years. It was very hard but at the end of my freshman year I had a 3.8 GPA.
Around that time I found out I was pregnant. I dropped out of school with plans to obtain a GED and attending college once my baby got a little older. Well, something just seemed to 'happen'.. I started withdrawing from my friends... ignoring their phone calls, basically avoiding them. I'm only 17 and it just seems that everything's faded away..
I love my son very much and it doesn't have anything to do with him. I just wasn't ready for how much I was going to physically change.. I just feel really alienated. Its very hard for me to socialize and painfully hard for me to look people in the eyes on some days.
The instability of it is what gets to me I suppose, because there are some days when I'm completely fine, aside from the fact that there is never a non-critical thought going through my head about myself!