I am known to be a very intelligent student with straight A's, but intend to not use my common sense at times. I am 17 years old and I want to discontinue this.
Wow, I do not exactly remember a lot of times where I did not use my common sense, but there is something I do remember and it has been haunting me and I would rather not talk about it.
I have very strict parents from Jamaica and they intend to be very hard on me when it comes to not thinking thoroughly. My mother, especially says harsh things to me. She would blurt out, "How old are you?! Do you have any freaking sense?!" Those words keep repeating in my head over and over. She would also say that my nine year old sister has more sense than me, which is embarrassing! No one can live like this. I believe I do have self- esteem and confidence. I always walk with my head up high. My mother tells me that I walk like a model. I have also been told that I am very beautiful, but I intend to worry about other people and not believe the compliments. It is probably because I don't have a boyfriend and all boys seem to do is use me for their selfish needs. (Yeah, you know.) You cannot be so pretty and act so dumb when you're not! I am a very sensitive and emotional person. I do not want to have to feel bad or go to sleep with this deep anguish in my chest.
My friends and psychologists that I used to go to have told me to speak to my mother about her harsh statements, but I feel that she would say something even more mean or maybe just don't care. What is good is that she does apologize for what she says. I haven't prayed lately, but I need to pray and ask God for help.