by kelly

My husband constantly Googles everything I say to him puts me on trial (I must prove everything i say to him) For instance, if I did not see the mosquito bite me, how do I know it was a mosquito?

My cat has asthma, no biggy I apparently worry too much, nothing you can do (he Googled this)

His cat came in limping, physically something wrong, he said sprain, I said no vet said shattered knee, but I am irrational there is so much more... but the point is, I am always irrational, what I say is never fact, and why do I have a self esteem issue? (I never thought I did, successful job, etc) I got sick one night, he said gerd I said doesn't feel like it, it was ovarian cyst rupture, no biggie I think because maybe my husband makes me feel incompetent?

Lets pick him apart: never picks up after himself, tells me if I want my home clean then I should clean it because he doesn't care, tells me I am irrational and he is always right (he is an expert in all things: vet, doctor, shrink, pharmacologist, you name it he knows it, Google is the be all end all)

I work full time, mostly from home, but I work- on calls most of the day involved. I do not 'work from home' like he does, it is a full time job,sometimes with travel. I make every appointment, I pay all of the bills. I am my husbands 2nd wife, she got everything, I got the debt that resulted (past taxes he owes you name it) and a house I did not want that is falling apart, that I am paying for.

He move me to the woods, I have allergies and mosquitoes love me, and that is my fault as there is NOTHING he can do about it (2 acres of 'the lawn' will maintain itself).but I am irrational? no, I am pissed.

I moved in after marriage to: calls from his name that were from his ex-wife (I did not know the number), bills for his ex-wife, past taxes from his divorce (the IRS kept all of my tax returns) yet I am the bad person? All I did was marry him and bring my belongings and cats and "i want a clean house, issue's with me, and when i say clean I mean like at least vacuumed! I make enough money to finally treat myself to a vacation, but instead I am fixing his house, the one he bought with his ex, and paying his debt and being told to live on a budget because of it.

All he can tell me is I am irrational and I have self esteem issues? I am a bad person!

Comments for Husband

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by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth. I can feel your frustration and anger as I read your message. I notice that not once have you said that you love your husband, and I wonder whether you realized this as you wrote.

It must be so debilitating to be constantly in this situation, but in this lifetime we all make choices, and you choose to be with this man who makes you so angry and upsets you so much.

You sound very bitter with your lifestyle, and I can appreciate that whilst you are obviously doing very well for yourself with your job and how you run your own life, paying the bills etc, you are not being appreciated for your ability to cope or for having a brain.

Is your husband insecure? He has to look everything up on Google, because he wants to be able to confront you and be sure he's got one over you. Maybe he feels that you are more intelligent than him, and so he gets satisfaction in proving you wrong. Perhaps counseling could help him, although I have a feeling he won't accept that the problem is his.

I would imagine it is hard not to react to what is said to you when you are constantly challenged in what you do and say, but if you can decide not to let words and action irritate you this will be half the battle won.

You have chosen to be in this situation, as hard as this may seem, but it is true. This means if you are truly not happy with your life you can change it and make it how you want it.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide is right for you.


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