How I Realised
(Pomona, CA )
I always thought why was I born different, what's my reason for being here, that it would be better if I was gone. When I was small I was in my parents room, all alone and then my mind started to wonder and realised the fear of my world. I was going to have to grow, my school life,having a job if I even was capable of living out in the world, being able to have a family and lastly what scared me most, death. I didn't know what was to come after that, the fear of everything going black.
I thought by myself and then I went back to being a child, I hated when it was quiet cause then I started to think. It was a problem that I had a lot of creativity, but it was my ecsape, happinese,and my fear.
The first time I went to school it was as if I was seeing the world, I didn't know much, it was a problem I knew people thought me as annoying but I couldn't do anything. All my life I only lived on this thought "As long as everyone is happy, it's alright" I became alone, I hated my life I cried a lot, I was weak, I wanted to end my life and I even decide how far I was going to live. I grew up with split personality, fake smile, awkward, shy. I hated people, no trust in others, I even started to suspect my family trying to get rid of me I was becoming insane but that's how I ended up getting myself confused.
Then i realized I can't keep crying, feeling pity or taking pity. I'm lucky to have my family they're annoying and I lose my temper fast but I can't deny that I love them I guess. I know they love us, trust is something that would take time, I still hate people, my smile comes out naturally with out me even knowing it. It's troublesome sometimes. Though my personality needs work, also ending everything won't gain a thing being miserable either. There are a lot of things I like here, my family, drawing, my aunt my pets, the sky, a tree. Still things I enjoy, theres times when I notice that people don't like me but my first step is to walk a step at a time and not stick to my past. Though I can't say things to people because it'll cause trouble it's better to just move foward though it'll take time to tell other's though like my family but time is time