He hurt me in the past, now I'm extremely insecure & I've lost trust.

by Hayley
(UK)

I've been with my boyfriend for a year & a half, but we have known each other for 4 years. We were seeing each other for 2 years & having sexual contact, however I really wanted to be in a relationship with him, but he always had an excuse not to be.


Whilst he was seeing me, he wasn't over his ex & he would also chat up other girls and would keep things from me. This made me feel worthless because I really wanted to be with him (which he knew) & yet he was constantly seeking other women. Over the years, I changed the way I looked so he would like me more. I have lost all my confidence & I don't feel good enough for him. He's in love with me now & he tells me I'm beautiful everyday, but I find it hard to believe because he never wanted me in the first place.

I've never been a jealous person, but I am now. I feel like I can't introduce him to my friends because he might want them, or generally go out to places. I've stopped him from watching porn which he says he has, but I'm not sure if I believe it. I love him so much, but it's hurting me 24/7. I don't know what to do, please help?

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My insecurity has turned me into a monster
by: Anonymous

I AM IN A REALATIONSHIP I've been in this realationship for 9months now but I have exprienced hard times with this guy and it's too much. For 9months my boyfriend impregnant another girl and she is six months pregnant. He didn't even bother to tell me. I found out when his other gf from school took his phone, when called his it was answerd by a girl telling me that I should leave this man. I then approached him he then told everything fine we passed through this. Now the problem is that he has a friend and now that friend is a girl they are always touchy touchy when they are together whether I am around and or not wen ask him he say that I am too insecure. My attitude is something and I am always controlling him;(;(;(
Help me and my realationship please
by: Anonymous

I'm going through a similar situation ..we started talking In 2010 involved sexually.until one day his exgf who I didn't know about called and he told me to be quiet so she couldn't hear me. I stopped talking to him for like 2 years during that time he was trying to work things out with her which went wrong .and now 3 years later we started going out again.and I told him what he did really hurt me.it's still a touchy subject ..he tells me that he love me everyday and he wanna be with me forever.but sometime I believe him and sometime I wanna hurt him like he hurt me.and I just found out that his ex is married .and I asked him does it bother him and he said it doesn't but it annoys him because it was because of her Jehovah witness parents that the realationship didn't work out. How am I supposed to feel about that answer? Sometime I wanna stop seeing him and find someone else just so I don't have to deal with it .:"( but he is great guy .mind you we all in our 20's .i really do need help
If you love him, accept him as he is now not as he was...
by: Anonymous

I'm in a similar situation, my fiancé and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. We both had long term serious relationships that ended not long before we met, in hindsight neither of us were ready to enter into another relationship and this meant we brought a lot of baggage into our relationship. As things progressed to more serious, my bf freaked out and started to push me away, because he had been seriously hurt by his previous gf he was scared that I would do the same, this caused all sorts of drama, he started to put me last, his friends came first, he was messaging other girls (never anything beyond some flirting) but it was his way of putting his walls up and not becoming vulnerable.

I stuck by him because I could see that and knew he was a good person who just needed some support to learn to trust again, but in turn his reckless behaviour both hurt me and broke my trust. When it became to much and I almost left, he realised he didn't want to lose me, but I responded by becoming controlling and needy. But given time we have worked on our issues and he is the most devoted, caring, wonderful man and I am working on being a trusting, caring partner. We love each other very much and at the end of the day that is the motivation to fix things, it's not always easy and some days are still hard (I have a big problem with not being able to let go of the past) but I am working on it every day, and I know that we are going to be happy together, relationships have hurdles and hurts and ups and downs but if you let it be that way and don't work towards fixing it, it won't fix itself.

Love is a choice, you choose your mate and you commit to loving them everyday, and you then have to work at it, if you love him like you say, then work damn hard for what you want.
I feel the exact same way
by: Anonymous

and have a similar story, but foolishly I married the guy hoping that since he wanted to marry me I would be enough for him.

He doesn't watch porn, but every time we go somewhere he's always looking at other women and he's tried to stop doing that, but he just cant seem to stop. It sux because I was really hoping that I was attractive enough to him to keep his attention, but so far it seems as if I'm not.

I've always been confident and outgoing, but now I've changed so much. I don't dress up. All I wear is t-shirts and jeans now and I have really dark short hair because that's what he said he liked., yet he always looks at women who look the way I used to look. I guess that look didn't work for me, but then again I don't really think this one does either. I don't know what I'm gonna do about this, but I'm way to young to feel this way I know that for sure.
He hurt me in the past
by: Anonymous

Just take a look, do you really need someone like that when there are so many other people who could fill the gap he cannot. He is not capable of giving you the love and commitment that you need and has taken you for granted. He is not going to change either. You are worth a lot more than that.
There are so many people in unfulfilling relationships who hang on to them because of insecurity. It takes courage to break away and to make a new life. A lot of them are marriage relationships where property is involved. The saddest thing is that the people stay together because of that and ruin both their lives when although poorer, they would have been free to find a new life and love.
You cannot expect too much of someone like that, the connection is not strong enough for you to go on with it.

When you do move on although you will feel lost and lonely for a while, I am sure that you will come into contact with someone else who will give you the love that you are in need of.

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