Extremely shy 12 year old daughter

(Jacksonville fl)

She was born shy. I thought as she got older she would grow out of it or comfortably shy but now I am more worried. I have realized she avoids greeting people, eye contact, social situations... She is a great student, very smart and beautiful.

I have told her that saying hello to people and smiling are just good manners and that as her mom I expect her to use them. She is becoming more reclusive and I don't know how to help her.

Her sister is four years younger and has always been more outgoing and has a lot of friends. They are best friends but I know she resents her younger sister because being social comes so easy for her.

I do not want her to continue becoming more and more shy and lonely. I feel like she needs lessons in social skills and how to interact with people and that she's not alone in her anxiety and that there are tools we all use to make our way I'm social situations to have fun, learn about others and feel good.

She thinks that I am criticizing her when I try to talk about it.

I don't know what to do.

Helpless mother

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Extremely shy 12 year old daughter.
by: Anonymous

Give her time and encourage her in what she is doing, she may be one of these people who prefer to work behind the scene but she is happy to get on with things this way. It is often these people who do the jobs that the more outgoing cannot be bothered with.
If she has many interests she will finally come into contact with other people who have these interests and make her social contacts through them.
Not everyone likes playing cards or sport and I hated these, I felt myself that playing cards was a waste of time and still do.
She may like reading and listening to music.
Later on she is going to find that she needs to make contact with other people. She will come out of her shell.

Shy daughter
by: Kay

Oh we do worry about our children don't we! Thank you for your submission. The advice I give is only my opinion, and this comes from being a child and adult suffering from shyness and low self esteem.

I feel it's important not to focus on the things that worry you about your daughter in front of her. Don't tell her how she is or how she should act. The fact that you bring up what she probably isn't happy about herself with may only reinforce that she has a problem. (On the other hand she may not see that she has a problem and is happy as she is)

We are all unique, all special in our own way and for different reasons. (I may be saying things that you might not do or may already do, I don't know, so bear with me please) Give her lots of praise for things that she does well, lots of hugs, and tell her you love her. (This is for both girls of course) focus on what she is good at, not what she isn't.

Build up her confidence by accepting her how she is and trying not to change her but trying to help her with positive things about her not negative about her being so shy.

What I feel is a really good idea is to sit both your girls down and tell them you are going to give them some life changing information that will help them when they are older. Let them know its only nine words, but they are words that will change their lives if they say them at least once a day, or as often as they like.

The words are "I am very confident and I believe in myself". Then ask them every so often, maybe once a week or month if they have said the words. Maybe for the first week when you say good night remind them of the words.

I have done with with my grandchildren and they are saying the words, and I know they will benefit once their sub conscious accept what is being said, which it definitely will.

I know for a fact this works, because my gran gave me a sentence to say when I was about 8 years old and I totally believe 100% what she said I would.

You may not notice change at first, because it is inner, but it will happen when said over a period of time.

Accept your shy girl as she is, and praise her to build up her, and please don't praise your other daughter in front of her and ask why can't she be like her younger sister.

I hope this helps.


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