Destined for a path of unkown

by Anonymous
(tucson az)

My names going to remain anonymous but I will say as of 2013 I am 17. I am happy I made it to 17 knowing the path I put myself in. I appreciate life so much and I also view the world in my very own way.

Now tell me this, if you were raised with a meth selling and abusing father whom is also a high ranking gang member in Northern California and lived 10 years of pure childhood in that environment, on the side living my mom whom is divorced from my father a year after I was born, which was in 1995 and lived in San Diego as she recovered from meth abuse, for ten years. Guess what I did for ten years going back and forth from norcal to so cal. I didn't let any of that phase me.

Within that time period I had seen too much sex by my parents not caring about what I see, I had seen my first murder, followed by a gangfight in my neighborhood in norcal in wich my father was involved and so was I. I had to stash a bloody knife that was used. I had seen so much and within my own mind all I wanted to do was have fun. I was a kid.

Now what would you say if I told you that within all that time period I would constantly be moving, never owning a home, I once lived in sd and lived with a mexican mafia member thanks to my mother. I barely found out he was when I was 15.

I really never owned a home but let me remind you that I pushed the problems aside and never cared because I was a kid. Now heres where it gets crazy. I have been given a curse or gift by god not by choice but by destiny. It is that I was followed by a demon, ghost, spirit whatever you call it for a long long time. Now you're asking what this has to do with my path, well that's the thing. Ever since I was a child certain colors objects or sounds or even smells remind me of a dream I had as a child. I felt happy in this dream, no worries and it was simply beutiful green plains with a bright blue sky. I can only come to one conclusion with this dream, I was born. It literally felt like my life was so precious. Years pass and I recently have been going through so much. From moving out of california, moving to Tucson az. I have no confidence, no father figure, no motivation. Ive moved 6 times in 6 years, all because my mom tries to find a brtter life for us. I aint blaming her though. It was simply destiny, now my hope for using this is to find my answer, how can I get the motivation I need to never have to put my kids through this when I start a family one day. How can I gain self confidence when I simply have no passion or motivation. I grew up around people who try to tell me whats good or bad, how I should do things. I dont know what I am or who I am. All I know is love, I have a real heart. But how can it take me anywhere in this cruel world. I am hopeless and im only 17. Why is it that I feel so depressed.

Despite all of the above, I just need to cleanse my body of bad energy or bad whatever, to be baptised in such idea. I just want to be happy like a child. I've grown up too fast and yet again I'm only 17.

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Destined for a path unknown.
by: Anonymous

You are lucky that you have not been sucked into the negativity that was around you. It takes a very strong person to withstand that.
There are positive strong people who are being born every minute. I have friends who have overcome difficult childhoods and have only put good out into their environment.
Maybe you are one of these special people who in the end will save our world, there are many out there. Just keep on keeping on, you will find the right friends and associates that you can work with.
In every nation in the world, there are good and bad people, selfish and unselfish, those who are only out for what they can get for themselves without any thought for other people and their enviroment, yet there are others who are only concerned on making our world a better place for future generations.

destined for a path of unknown
by: Anonymous

After reading your message I want you to know that you have said you have a heart and that all you know is love. The most important thing anyone can have in life is love, but most importantly you have to love yourself.

You have not put yourself in this pathway, your parents have taken you through this and you are blameless for their lifestyle. The fact that you want more from life than they have given you is a credit to you.

Motivation comes from within, no one can motivate you but you, and your attitude plays a huge role in this. You are a good person, stay strong in your belief, you can choose the path you want to walk in your future and I doubt very much that your own children will go through what you have because you are different from your parents and will do whatever it takes to make any children you have lives happy. I am sure you will give them a loving environment and security.

Choose a career that you will enjoy one that will enable you to move in different circles from the one your parents move in. Above all go with your heart with what you want to do and where you want to go. Think about what you want to do and make this a goal, work your way towards it slowly but surely. Stay true to the good person you know you are and make yourself a future that brings you happiness with a wife and family. You can do this when you believe you can. You can choose the way you want to be, and once you realise that your future is in your hands you can make it how you want it.
Good luck, stay strong,

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