depression, low self esteem, no motivation

I am 30 years old and I can't keep a job. I suffer from a lack of self confidence, very low self esteem and no motivation to follow my dreams.

I thought I might suffer from depression so I went and spoke with some therapist who asked me try the anti-depressant lexapro. This really made me feel uncomfortable and not my self. As a result of the medication my pupils were dilated, I was grinding my teeth, basically I felt like I was on drugs. So I went back to the therapist (tried a few different ones) and they thought I might be bi-polar and asked me to try another prescription medicine (forgot the name). This one was not a anti-depressant but a "mood stabilizer". It is supposed to keep me balanced from having major highs and major lows. So far this is my third week on the medication and I feel worse than I did when I started.

I am beginning to think that I do not suffer from a problem that requires medication but from very low confidence in my self and my abilities and no self esteem what so ever which is affecting my motivation and social life not only with friends but with my family.

I seriously need help because I don't have any answers and am not sure what to do. My lack of motivation is getting me deeper into depression and I am scared that one day it will get so bad that I will end up hurting my self. I am not sure what this website is about but there is my story and I hope someone is able to provide me with some insight on what I am going through.

Comments for depression, low self esteem, no motivation

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Of course there is something in all of us but I for one cannot do it
by: The singer

NO disrespect meant to anybody. I KNOW all about the inner strength and the positive thinking and telling yourself "I can do it" I also am very positive that I'm a negative person.

When I was drinking and drugging heavy, I had no depression.the worst I did was smash up a few bars and cars and I would go right back to heavy "self-medication ". But now there is nothing to turn to. I get little flashes every once in a while that I feel normal. But they are just that, little flashes. I'll do maybe 1 thing in a day and lay around for 6 days.

I have music to practice and lyrics to learn or write but I waste time instead. Meaning I surely do not find pleasure in something I've done and found pleasure in. I will ignore it instead of do it. I'm self-destructive too. My own worst enemy.

All my life it seems like I'd accomplish something and then not keep going. Like "ok I can do it. Now I don't need to do it anymore". Or the same way with people- if I found a leader, I would follow, even in partying circles as well as work and band situations. I should be a leader of a band but I'm too impatient and hot-headed so I've never subjected fellow band mates to that. Although if you look down through entertainment history, the biggest stars were and are very temperamental to put it mildly.they were downright mean.

I've always been torn between super aggression and super shyness. I'm a Hermit now. I can't stand it- my messed up, unhappy, unrewarding life.

Xactly! Need SE and Motivation to gain SE and motivation
by: Anonymous

I can't stand myself. I had everything going for me as a lead singer/frontman. I had all the tools: talent, great voice, charisma, personality, looks, all the right moves, showmanship and tons of energy. The prototypical "rockstar". Thanks to low self esteem I needed every drug in the book to be myself. The self I wanted to be (and who wouldn't??) . I could never properly pursue a career. U know, prepping, management, agents, guidance. I would always leave a band and start just heavy duty drinking n drugging for years. And so went/goes the cycle. I would b ready n join or form another great band and so on. Now I tell myself "if I don't pull it together when I was now lucky enough to find another great band - if I do not follow through, I have considered there is no other purpose for me in life.

I started ADS in 1995. I quit drinking and have been on a severe regimen of just about every known antidepressant and anxiety med. I mean over 25 different meds, some several times over. Nothing helps. Mb a quick early flash then that's it. I don't brush my teeth. I will pick at them and wipe them several times a day, but will not brush. I will not wash my face - again I will waste time and effort to wipe off grease n dander with a towel, and with the damn blanket I am laying under on the couch. I won't clean house. And I cannot succeed at any types of therapy. I just will not follow through. It won't sink in. I have severe ADD. Shrinks will not treat it. Some say it doesn't exist....I will say, in conclusion, MDD, Social Anxiety Disorder, paranoia, and several personlaity disorders, combined with AADD, is a mortal combination, potentially life-threatening. VERRRY. .. life threatening. .

You wrote exactly how I feel
by: Anonymous

Have you tried switching your self talk to what you can do? If so, what do you tell yourself?
I find that low-self esteem makes writing a personal strengths list very difficult. I have tried writing daily things I am grateful for.

Following the steps for career finding help is difficult when I don't feel like I have any interests or passion or dream.
I think this is where the hopeless feelings and fears you mention come from.

Hope you are feeling better.

low esteem and no motivation
by: Stu

I was read what you had to say. I also read the responses you received. I see a lot of people have responded with good advice - clearly they speak from experience and a good heart - bless them!

I too suffer from low self esteem and absolutely no motivation to speak of.

The problem persists for me regardless of the kind words however. Just bothering to respond to this statement is tiring and my only motivation is to bring attention to the fact that when you have no motivation and no self esteem - the remedies most people and doctors suggest requires motivation and self esteem in the first place.

The problem is, there isn’t the energy or need or want to do something about your problem. Yes it makes me feel quite hopeless and useless - which is defeating the objective - I'm quite aware of that - but if it was easy to solve - I would have found a solution a long time ago.

I have been looking for some answer and some words of wisdom that will make a difference in my 'attitude' for a long time now. But. alas!

In my case and I suspect a few others as well - the 'normal' think positive, think of your blessings statements etc... are not going help us - although they are sincerely appreciated!!!

I have not had good experiences with pills and medication - so that is definitely not the answer for me.

by: Anonymous

I was diagnosed at 16 with major depression and anxiety disorder. It lasted on and off for a few years, where I was so down, it was hard for me to want to do anything.
Into my twenties, I came around. I met my ex-wife at 22, engaged by 25, divorced at 29.
Depression came back right around my wedding time. A few months into being married I started avoiding social situations, almost lived in a box of my own comfort zone. My ex couldn't handle it and she left. Ive missed numerous days from work, and many other social situations.

The way I dealt with social anxiety and depression was through drinking. I've never had a high self esteem and drinking was the numbing and carefree attitude that made it easier. However, when not drinking, I became more and more withdrawn from friends and family, and in turn, hit the bottle more often. I had many nights alone, getting "wasted" then sobbing uncontrollably. It led me to some of my own personal darkest moments, suicidal thoughts, "cutting" and a hopelessness that seemed permanent.
I very recently quit drinking .Its always been such a big part of my life (friends and family even) that I will say i'm nervous for what comes next. Depression is still here and I still feel so aukward socially sometimes. I know though, that the alcohol would have killed me one way or another.
As down as you can get, there are ALWAYS people out there that can relate, and people that care for you. It keeps me going.

Don't want people to know the real me.
by: anonymous

I am 63, and have spent most of my life avoiding people. I have always had low self esteem. I have always managed to have a few friends from time to time.

In my younger years, it seems that most of my friendships had something to do with smoking pot. For me, pot was helpful. It helped me to talk more and interact with others. I took Zoloft for a while, but I don't think it was helpful. I managed to have a good career and retired after 35 years, I was pretty good at hiding my problems with self esteem, although my superiors knew and it did hold me back.

At times I am able to socialize but it's always a big worry for me before the occasion. My wife (of 40 years) often does not tell me about social occasions until they are about to happen since it gets me uptight and depressed to think about it.

I find that people generally give up on me because I wind up avoiding them because I worry about not being able to keep their interest or saying the wrong thing. I am always skeptical about people 'really' liking me. I am always trying to hide the real me.

You are not alone
by: z.oliver

You are not alone. I once was confident and happy. My job was very physical, so I exercised 5 days a week and loved it.

The company I worked for sent me to work in an area were I fell ill to valley fever. (Its a fungus that grows in the dirt.) My company did not warn us about this problem.

I was in the hospital for a week. I was at home on workers comp over a year until I went back to work. All of my health was taken from me and I was not able to do the job I loved for 20 years any more.

I now have to learn a new job in the office. I never was a good student, so this scared me into a depression. It just grew more and more. I also tried the meds and am still in counseling. It is very hard on my wife. This depresses me even more. I read books and try everything I can. I have some good days. I am thankful for them.

Everything you described and thought you have, I also have. Its very hard. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. Maybe we can make a pact, if you don't give up, I wont give up.

Try to keep smiling. God loves you.

You lack passion
by: Anonymous

Hi there...I think you lack simply don't know what you are capable of doing (I am sure you have so much to offer at such a young just don't know it yet)

I suggest you read this book: Better than good, by Zig's all about finding your purpose.

For some penetrating spiritual exercises, please check out "There is no business like soul business" by Derek Rydall.,,

Trust this: the answers are in you :))

by: Anonymous

You seem to have enough motivation to go to a therapist though, which is more than I have.

depression ,low self esteem,no motivation
by: Elizabeth

Been there, done that, I know how it feels but somewhere inside of you, there are all the possibilities that you were born with.

It is so easy to be conditioned by circumstances from even your birth, and with the people who you were brought up with. It is easy to be discouraged and put down and feel that you are useless. You do not have accept your family's evaluation of you. They cannot always know what you could be capable of.

You do not have to take any notice of comments made by teachers who have never bothered to really get to the bottom of something you could not master, and maybe you have never spoken up when you could have.

You have got to see that you can overcome these feelings, it is not easy but you have to do one little thing at a time that you found hard to do and then carry on to do other things and prove to yourself that you have all the power in the world.

Concentrate on what you are good at, maybe you are interested in gardening, maybe you are good at housework, maybe you are a capable sewer. You may be better working on your own at some project.

We are far more capable than we think we are, and with encouragement we can do marvels. I found that when I worked with people I felt comfortable with I actually did quite well, but I went off beam when I was confronted with difficulties from people who really wanted to put me down.

Depression is a difficult question again, it is the case of getting the right help, and medication does not really help as it only often deadens the
pain that you are feeling.

It is a case of getting the help that suits you
and gives you power in your own healing.

A friend who was going through a stressful time which was affecting her family situation, felt at odds with all her children over a difficult family matter and was also worried over a health condition which she had to deal with.

She knew that counselling would not help in her case, she actually went to a hypnotherapist with whom she did four sessions, and it helped her to not only feel better, but to get through having some teeth out, and also a legal matter. It is a suggestion;

depression ,low self esteem,no motivation
by: Stacey.

What a very hard time it sounds like you are going through at the moment, but I honestly think you have made the right positive steps to helping sort out this period of your life.

Firstly well done for coming to the realisation that medication is not the answer to how you are feeling at this moment in time.

The way in which we think most definitely makes our reality and I agree one hundred percent with all that Kay has written to you.

Sometimes it feels easier said than done but do not rush, you CAN and WILL move forward one day at a time, get some good strong affirmations on board and repeat them, even write some down, stick them everywhere, on your pc, fridge, tv, radio, bathroom mirror, car speedo etc, and say them out loud when you can or quietly to yourself if others are around, and soon you will find you will be feeling better!

Don't give up, you have the power to do this positive thinking and steps moving forward to feeling the new you.

I hope that I have maybe helped you in some way, and that you start looking on the positives more.
Have a think, I bet you can find at least one if you think hard.

All the very best,
Love and Rainbows

depression,low self esteem,no motivation
by: Kay

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth with your problem.

This website is about helping people to understand how special they are, that each of us has a power within that can be brought into force to help when needed.

Can you firstly realize that you believe you know what your problems are? This in itself is a good start to improving your life.

Do you spend time focusing on what is wrong with you, on what you can't do, the fact that you can't get motivated, can't get a job?

Continuously feeding this information into your mind has made you believe this is how you are. The more you think about what is wrong, the deeper those thoughts are embedded inside your mind. Can you see this is so?

I know lack of motivation is a dreadful feeling, and that you feel very low at the moment with no energy to motivate yourself, but if you can try very hard to replace in your mind what you can't do, with what you are able to, and stay determined to focus on positive information about yourself, this will eventually replace the negative things you now believe.

You have to change what you believe about yourself. Change your self talk, this is a vital step towards your motivating yourself. When you continuously put yourself down and say you can't do things, this becomes your reality. If you can tell yourself how confident you are (even when you don't feel it, this will become your reality.)

Can you find positive words to say often to yourself? Such as "I believe in myself" "I am confident" "I have faith in my ability" "I can do anything I put my mind to" When your self talk is positive and you refuse to tell yourself negative information you will begin to feel that you are on the road to recovery.

Make your self talk positive always. Repeat positive words to yourself over and over until you begin to accept them as true

You can literally change your thoughts and this will change your life. Of course this is easy to say, but harder to do.

If you truly want to change how you are it is possible. You will have to stay determined and focused on your self improvement.

There is a power within each of us, and in you, that is there to be drawn on, reach inside, bring it up and focus on how amazing and worthwhile you are, know that this is so, you are important, you have forgotten this somewhere along the way.

Focus on all things positive, and you will discover the wonderful human being that you are.

Don't give up on yourself, ever, know within your heart that you can do it.

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