Depressed unable to function
I am 26 years old and I'm still an undergrad. By the time I graduate it will have taken me 7 years to get my BA and I'll still have 2 years of grad school to forward to.
I have only had two boyfriends my whole life and they both used me for sex. I don't have any friends. I have one acquaintance who is overall rude, judgmental and negative so I don't spend much time with her.
I'm not young anymore and I'm far from skinny, who would want me? Its hard to make friends because I'm older than everyone else and I'm not into parties. I'm too fat for that. I have dealt with major depression and a mild eating disorder for more than a decade. I want to just not eat for a whole month.
I feel like everyone hates me and that they think I am fat, ugly and worthless. I cant seem to shake the depression, and I have tried EVERYTHING. I'm thankful that my parents put up with me and let me live with them, but I'm starting to feel like maybe its time to move again. I'd have to live very frugally but I don't mind that. It would be easier to go without eating. I wouldn't be surrounded by the garbage my parents eat. Maybe it would be better to stay with my parents so that I can save money for school. I'm bored, isolated, broke and tired of commuting.
I want to change my life and become happier and skinnier and have friends and a boyfriend. I want to eventually marry and have children I just don't know if it will happen for me. I'm also doing very poorly in school, I was nearly kicked out, I picked up my grades got straight A's and I'm on the downward spiral again.
I'm TIRED of being depressed. I ache to not have to get up and feel this way everyday. Really, my life is great, yeah its missing a few pieces, but those are things I can change, but I am just so depressed.
I can't do anything. I have a hard time studying and doing everything. I've tried antidepressants and the last round made me so nauseous. What can I do?