Coping with the shame and guilt of adultery.
I cheated on my husband some years back and I am still ashamed and feel so guilty about my actions. I keep thinking, "How could I do that?" and "What was I thinking?" My husband and I have had so many problems because of what I did.
Thankfully, we are now back to where we began when we first started dating. We are in a healthier relationship now, and our life together is so great.
However, underneath the surface of my happiness is something I can not run from: my shame and guilt. It's not only the nagging thoughts about my past actions.
One of the things that continue to bug me is watching a movie that has references to or has adultery in it, by myself or with my husband. I feel so uncomfortable, shameful, and very guilty. I can't possibly know every scene in every movie before I watch it, so there's really now way of knowing if a movie will have a scene or two in it with adultery. It's always in my face or on my mind. I dislike myself for what I did.
It has been a good while since my actions. Shouldn't I have already forgiven myself? We really can't afford a counselor or psychologist. Either way, I have faith that I can one day successfully heal myself. The problem is I don't know how and what steps to take. What are some ways I can cope with what I did to him, my family, and even myself?