Controlling Husband

by Nadina

Left husband and filed for a divorce recently after 5 years into the marriage. He has been very controlling from all the money that I make and not allowing me to have a debit card. All my income goes to his account which is only registered to his name and he has full control. When I have asked him to add my name to his account so that I can have my own card he refuses and to avoid conflict I end the discussion.

I have been left on the side of the road because he forgot to fill up my tank with gas and I had no money to put gas in my car as he controls it all. He is controlling in every way, does not like affection. He only cares about materialism and has very low self esteem he wants to proove to the world that he is worthy of having the best, however makes me feel unworthy and rejects me.

I have lost myself and finally have become an independent woman and happy to be on my own. I know I made the right choice. He is now telling me he is a changed man and that I should go back to him. I have been rejected for so long that I don't believe a word he tells me. The divorce will be final next month.

He tells me that God does not want us to get a divorce and that we should try harder to make the marriage work and that if he knew I would end up wanting a divorce he would have changed and become a humble man.

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Good for you
by: Anonymous

I admire you for leaving and staying away. I recently left my husband. He convinced me to come back. He has been controlling all the finances in our household as well. I have to tell him everything I buy or he accuses me of lying.

I'm not allowed to use hot water to do laundry and he gets mad at me if I buy new clothes. I'm so confused, one minute he seems so sweet and caring and then he'll change and get upset about something I've done. He won't agree to a joint account, he says I should have to ask him for money. I know most people would have left a long time ago, but he always seems to have a good reason for being in control.

We have 3 preschoolers, so when I try to leave he cries and says I'm taking his children away from him.

He has also threatened to kill himself if I ever leave him. I really wish I had the courage to leave like you did.

Right decision
by: Kay

Hi Nadina,

Thank you for contacting Positive Personal Growth.

I was pleased to read that you finally decided to take back your power and leave your husband.

No human being has the right to control another in the way your husband controlled you.

Your husband won't change, he might for a short while, but he will go back to controlling you in time. He doesn't seem to like the fact that you are happy without him, that you are coping on your own, and wants you back so that he can take away your power and control you again.

You are now free to live your life in the way that you want and I congratulate you in making the right choice.

Go girl!


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