Choosing the right partner
by Heather Watters
Choosing your partner wisely is a very vague and over used statement. Almost like saying make better choices in life. Well, duh! We all know we should make good choices, and do what is best, but we all do not do what is best. We all do not pick our partners wisely, and we all do not make good choices in life. People play the 80-20 rule. 80% good things, and 20% not so good. Maybe we eat good most of the time, but we still want to eat chocolate and have cocktails too. Sometimes we make decisions that we know are not the best decisions, and we know fully well what we are doing. We make a conscious decision to do something that is not “good”, and negatively affects our lives and bodies.
Could this have something to do with why so many people get into relationships with partners that are not good for us? Is it comparable to us eating that snickers or gorging on french fries? Or are we unaware of how unhealthy a relationship with a particular person could be? Maybe a little of both? At least at first. People do not ask someone if they are abusive and after receiving an answer choose to be in the abusive relationship. What we have are two components to being in a relationship with an abusive person. First we did not know, for one reason or another, that the person is or will be abusive, and second, as humans we do things that are not in our best interests.
Staying informed is the first answer to the puzzle, but how do we stop eating french fries?! I hope you get where I’m going with this. How do we stop us from putting ourselves in situations where abuse happens and then we feel bad about eating an entire king size snickers. In my opinion, it all starts with staying informed. Naievity goes a long way. There are no classes in school preparing you to choose the people you spend most of your time with, especially people that you are intimate with and share a life with. Sure, there may be a health class with a chapter on rape or something, but the gravity of this issue is not being recognized as something to teach our young men and women. How else are we going to get informed? If not in school, then where? I learned at Life University in Personal Experience 101, but this will only continue the statistics, not help. There must be a way. I propose more awareness and education. My book and website are my way of taking steps towards a world free from domestic abuse.
Secondly, we all do things that we know are not in our best interest. I for one will not give up my wine or chocolate so I do not want to sound like a hypocrite, but where do we draw the line? I obviously did not draw the line in my past abusive relationship, so where do I know when to draw the line now? Inform yourself, read, examine what you want out of life, put your happiness over everyone else, but most importantly be informed about what to look for and where to draw those lines.